Friday Review #2: dead sexy edition

It’s Friday.  Oh, happy day!

As you may know, last Friday was our first ever Friday — in review!  It is the beginning of a few rituals that are bring into our zone of operation those most important practices.

I call our rituals Aquaducts because, you know, of how much they are like aquaducts.

And we are also trying on a Tuesday Styles for size – because your style is not just about image or artfully messed up hair.  It can be a means to the end of you reconnecting with YOU. Which, if you ask me, is what it’s all about.

On to the week in my rearview and the Hard Stuff, and the Good Stuff. If you want, you can join me.

(more…)

Salvation! & Social Media…

It’s official: I know the road to happiness, with certainty.

I guess there’s an argument that I should have known this, with certainty, before launching into the business of getting you into the job that is right for YOU. I felt strongly about this before, but without the water-tightness that I feel now about it.  The reality is that social media (of all vacuous things!) has been tipped the scales: Knowing who you are and acting accordingly is the only way you’re ever truly going to be fulfilled.

OH I know – it can be so inconvenient:

• Being totally YOU is the only way for you to be satisfied in your life means that whatever does not suit you will eventually need a-changing (change! scary; also, unavoidable).

It means that pretending to like your job that you do NOT like, or that friendship or relationship or marriage that does not suit YOU, or saying that you don’t care about being over-weight, is just not going to work out so hot.

And exactly why it won’t work out is pretty simple: (1) the real YOU knows when you are lying (and you can only shut ‘em up for so long) and (2) everyone else knows, too.

Musings on the smartness of your right people.

When I started this business of helping you get out of NOT-you and into YOUR body (you look awesome) and job (it is really good, even the hard stuff has a different quality), I was sheepish about telling people.

Because, you know, what if they thought it was dumb? Or that I was making some massive mistake? Or what if they didn’t want to be my friend anymore?

I have since dealt with each of those thoughts, in succession …

• This is dumb…I love this & am great at it, that is not dumb….
• Massive mistake!… I have planned this carefully, have clients and a passion to help them …
• I may lose friends! … everything works out perfectly even if it doesn’t seem so at the time…

…but, at the time, here’s what helped me the most:

I emailed one of my best friends from college with a link to my site back when I started this crazy venture. She said:

website looks great. was just thinking that to me this is really who you have always been and it is neat to see that you are making it what you do. (not sure if that sentence made sense.) anyway, can’t write much have left paul playing in his poopy diaper while i browsed your website.

Every time I read that, I get kind of teary. Except the poopie diaper bit (laugh!).

Why Social Media is the final blow.

“Social media” = totally weird combination of words (now that I think about it).

It should be more like, Software for Socializing, or Virtual Networking, or Networking for Nerds.

Now that I’m really into Twitter (follow me! @lauriegay) and more active on Facebook (fan the BluePrint Balance page! It’s new ), I’m meeting all kinds of cool people, and SO MUCH MORE Cool Stuff is happening (you’ll find out tomorrrrrowwwwww).

• But it didn’t exactly happen like that at first. I was tweeting such pearls of wisdom as, “Going to Pilates” and “Going to bed”.  So you know that I sleep and go to Pilates. Ehh. BORED.

But the more I tweeted about what I was thinking, the more of my people I found/found me.  And the more we chatted, the more real all of the conversations seemed.

If you want to find a BOAT load of happy people doing cool and interesting things, get thee to Twitter.

It’s where people go to be themselves (for the most part – sleaze buckets and rapscallions can freely access it, too, but we aren’t going to follow them) and do what they love. Wonderfully contagious.

Social media has been the piece of evidence that I apparently was ready and waiting for.

It’s not all fun times and easy games.

I am not going to lie to you (as we’ve established, people living authentically tend to know when you’re lying – or, at least, suspects…) and say that you find the work you love in some clean and simple process, and then just start doing it one day, and then it all works out. That would be a lie.

As you probably know, there’s more work, more try and try again, and more dissolving than that.

But, it IS better than your life right now.

The road to authentic living is not without its own perils. But they are good perils. They are the hard-stuff-that-turns-into-good-stuff perils. Authentic living is wherein I have found my richest rewards, by far.

If you’re reading this post, and you are thinking, “Ack! that is what I thought!”, then here’s a great first step: talk to someone (friend, mentor, professional helper of some sort like therapist/coach) that agrees with you.

Talk to someone else who is passionate about what they do. Then, take your boss to lunch and quit (TOTALLY KIDDING – don’t do this yet. Stay in your current life as long as you can).

Keep identifying people you know and have heard of that are definitely doing what they love and are really themselves. Randomly email a friend-of-a-friend, or someone whose website you loved.

You’d be surprised how enthused people will be to encourage you on your search for the work you love.

After building your army, take over the world!

Once you’ve gathered some troops, you’ll start feeling the momentum to play with new ideas and interests and dabble in creativity.  Do it!  The things you love will take you to the work you love, or may even be the work you love.

And then email me the story of your success.

If this post was kind of your thing, you should check out Snap out of Career Coma.

Pick a little. Talk a little.

You know when you go out to dinner with a bunch of people? And you’ve had a really good week where you’ve been working out every day, and eating right, and not raiding your refrigerator at midnight?

Until! You go out to dinner with a few friends. [Cue ominous music]. Everyone wants to split pasta. Everyone wants to split 7 bottles of wine and 14 desserts.  And you don’t want to be the lame one who orders a salad and an appetizer.

What if they think I’m boring? What if they think I have an eating disorder or something? What if they make FUN of me??

(Or whatever your particular brand of self-abuse and criticism happens to be.)

Of course you feel social pressure in this situation – there is social pressure. Especially if you are female, many of the lessons of your youth might be like mine: don’t make waves! make other people happy! other people’s approval is important!

And we could choose to buy into these messages, except that believing them makes us fat.

Which is why I think you should consider rethinking your dinner experience so you not only survive (without overeating in the blink of an eye), but ENJOY it.

How about finding some new stories about why NOT overeating, mis-ordering or caving to the pressures are the BEST things you can do for yourself AND your friends?

Here are some that have worked for me and clients – try these on for size. If it feels like, that is SO true, then remember this next time you are PLANNING to go to dinner, then again BEFORE you go to the dinner and, finally, while you’re at it.

• “If I do what I REALLY want (ordering a non-pork-fat based dinner option), it liberates others to do the same.” SO TRUE – so many times, I sheepishly say “I don’t want to split the fried razor neck clams” and someone else says, “You know, I think I’m happier without, too.” How we can help that other sheepish person!
• “When I eat too much, I am not making anyone happy.”
• “How much I eat is no one’s business but mine.”
• “Everyone’s different, and I am different in that a smaller portion satisfies me. Maybe more food is right for them – we are all unique in appetite as in all things.”
• “Scared people are scary – if they tease me about being healthier, it is probably because they feel insecure about their choice to kind of pig out.”

See? Those are much more useful ways to see the situation. You stay on track and still get to go to dinner (and don’t have avoid situations that bring up your stuff! You are so evolved, working on it, like you do). Win-win-wins all around.

If this was kind of your thing, check out this blog post on Feelings are not for eating.

Do NOT do a cleanse to lose weight.

Because it will not work. End of discussion!

I kid. That is not the end of the discussion. The discussion never ends, it’s a blog!

The reason it will not work is the point of a cleanse is not to lose weight, but to cleanse.

I know this is not news, but don’t we always search and search and search for some easy way to lose weight, and then feel validated that there MAY be a fast way when there’s quick fix that alleges to be “healthy”? We totally do.

When you cleanse your system of toxins (which is the alleged purpose of a cleanse, though I’m pretty sure we have a self-cleaning system of our own) you may lose a bunch of water weight, but that’s not real weight.

It comes back to you with the first vodka soda.

Not only that, but if you’re into cleanses, which is totally cool with me (though they are not really my thing), consider just not putting toxic stuff into your system to begin with.

This is my current approach (well, reducing the toxic stuff, I’m too in love with food and vino to stop my meat-eating ways). I’m a no-artificial sweetener advocate, for example.

What I’ve found, with reducing the chemical-based, God-knows-what-this-really-is stuff, I do feel a lot better.  And I am pretty sure I have less cravings

HUGE, *MASSIVE* CAVEAT: most cravings are NOT physical, they are emotional. I mean cravings for the mutant food/beverages w/ fake stuff in them.

Because less cravings means more time doing whatever it is you do, focusing on your kids, being present at work. That can’t be bad.

No, not bad at all.

If this post was kind of your thing, check out Tricks of the Trade.

Leaving the Law: Unstuck Edition

Leaving The Law (or not)

I’m just going to say it: being a lawyer may not quite be what you thought it was going to be.

Or maybe, (if you’re like ME), you didn’t think too much about it, except you had a vague, paradise-fantasy of making loads of money, heaps of status, and enjoying crazy, unmitigated success.

After that, you’d be the next le grande king of Private Equity, or Investment Banker-to-the-Stars. The problem with this plan? All of those jobs may be wrong for you.

I guess some people do actually love a job they haven’t thought through very well, and the never-knowing-what-time-you’ll-go-home thing, and surely there are people who aren’t in constant panic about being laid off from a job that is not that right with them to begin with.  But that’s not most people, and that’s probably not you.

O! the moment of realization! We have all had it.  It goes something like:

Um, uh, I don’t think this law job I’m in is going to work out for me. I am going to have to figure out some solution. Maybe this! nooo.  Wait, maybe this! nooo. What about this! nooo. (repeat thought a zillion times per day for infinity)

I will not give you a self-satisfied lecture, or tell you inanely obvious tips, like “use your common sense” (not helpful; also, doesn’t work) or “use self-discipline” (another thing you should not be doing), or lamely cheer you with “you can do it” or any other fluff.

And I won’t push you leave the law if what is right for you is finding a different legal niche or more work-life balance.

Because I have no vested interest in any one outcome – all that matters is the outcome that suits you.

What I do is very practical, very down to earth and — much more to the point — it actually works.

You have permission to be stuck.

Because no one explains what to do about the scary, the anxiety, the distractions and all the what-ifs.

Or how to deal with the fact that you really, really don’t know what the thing is you would love to do.

And really, why would you? I mean, figuring it out whether or not you should even be a lawyer, and if not, what the heck to do about it , is scary and overwhelming — and sometimes even thinking about figuring it out triggers hard-core paralysis.

So, of course you default into panic mode or tantrum mode or distraction-avoidance-repression-mode.

It’s natural and it’s normal, and luckily, it doesn’t have to be this way. Not discipline. Not common sense. No “Seven Steps” or “Eight Keys”. But a way of learning how to neutralize the chaos so you can dissolve the stuckification. My clients do it. I do it too.

My background (or: why even bother listening to me)

Obviously you don’t want to learn from someone who doesn’t get it. Like some ineffective guru who does everything right. Or some perky, hyper-enthusiastic “let’s get going” mile-a-minute motivational former-camp-counselor-from-hell. Nooooo!

On the other hand, there’s also no point in learning from someone who has your problem and hasn’t turned it around. I’ve turned it around. I’ve done the work and I’m doing the work (work on myself, and work that I love).

I seriously believe that there’s no point in leaping out of the hell you’re in unless it’s into a better legal job or more right-for-you-career. And we do it in a compassionate, intelligent and conscious way.

No bulldozing through it, no dragging you out of your comfort zone and none of that annoying “you have to face your fears” stuff. Because that’s stupid. And because you really don’t.

Qualifications: I got some

• Ex-Big Law (in NYC, scary!) attorney (I practically, um, perfected the art of fear and self-loathing lawyer-dom).
• Lapsed perfectionist.
• Knowing what doesn’t work in this process, having tried all sorts of useless or barely useful career searching sites and “systems” to no effect.
• Knowing what does work, having tested my techniques on myself, students and clients.
• Coaching certification (and accompanying 9-month long, weekly training course) with Martha Beck, Oprah’s life coach and Harvard PhD smarty (in the house! She is good.)
• Jumping-up-and-down-they’re-so-happy clients who are out there doing the thing instead of berating themselves for not doing anything. Right on!

The zero-stress ridiculously sincere guarantee:

I know how miserable it is to try something that isn’t right for you. Plus the whole “working on your issues” thing can be pretty intimidating. It’s important to my inner tree-hugger that you have the most anxiety-free experience possible working on your stuff.

So: if you give your best effort and aren’t satisfied with our plan and do not have way better tools and skills for leaving the law than before you started, I will pay you back and I will ask you to gift any helpful youifying materials that I sent you (I spontaneously send helpful stuff to clients constantly) to someone who could really use them. That way you get to be a connector and a giver of goodness, and someone else gets the best surprise ever.

I want this product to be in the hands of people who love it. If it’s not right for you, no worries.

How much?

Think about what having a job you love is worth.

You’re totally in the zone and doing your best stuff. And how many times have you gotten lost in that familiar vicious cycle of avoidance in figuring this out. Stupid cycle. You know how it goes. Not doing anything. Getting mad at yourself for not doing anything. Getting mad at yourself for getting mad at yourself for not doing anything. Ugh.

You will absolutely make back what you spend on this package in hardly any time at all.

Like this. I used one of my own techniques myself the other day, after catching myself avoiding making a phone call. Doing the technique took five minutes. The call, which I totally could (and would) have put off for weeks, ended up getting me featured on the radio and bringing my business a heck of a lot more money than this package costs.

You have the skills you learn here to use anytime going forward.

The point is, when you know what to do and how to do it, you save yourself not only all the pain, angst, self-loathing and merciless beating-on-yourself, but also a pretty serious amount of time and money looking in the wrong places and using the wrong solutions.

One option to choose from.

• A just-the-two-of-us program, to get you unstuck and figured out. Four 50-minute one-on-one coaching sessions in 6 weeks. Emailing back-and-forth during business hours. Weekly resources from me to you. Weekly putting-you-in-touches with good people (I collect them; I have a lot).  I hold your hand. You figure it out. $400

Sign up HERE for a free 30-minute assessment to see if this is right for you, and if we are the right match for each other. If not, I’ll refer you to the very best person to meet your needs.

The first 3 people to sign up get a bonus session which you can schedule at any point before the end of time.

Important notice: If this sounds like you, awesome!  I’m offering this until 6 people sign up (which is all I have time for right now, and actually, technically it is more than I have time for, but whatever! I feel your pain).

Contact me! laurie (at) blueprintbalance (dot) com

P. S. I hate writing postscripts. It’s ridiculous. And anyway, I really don’t know what else to tell you. It works. Plus I’m going to help in any way I can. And if it’s not the thing for you, it’s cool if you return it (so to speak).

Find Your REAL Strengths (finally! and – seriously!!!)

I have basically read everything there is to read about (1) finding your strengths, (2) looking for your passions, (3) reconnecting with your purpose and (4) any possible inane variation of general youification.

Marcus Buckingham is one of the better ones. I have read every book by Marcus on finding your strengths (and I agree with him – find your strengths, because that’s the place you want to focus your energies to do the work that you are made to do).

I think he cares genuinely about reframing the stupido Protestant work ethic (or the Eastern European in you – whichever flavor of relentless drive applies to you) such that we all cease and desist from doing what is hard.

Instead, he says, (and I agree, wholeheartedly) do what comes naturally. Do more of things you’re good at, less of things you are not good at.

Marcus is one of the better ones.

But here’s where Marcus falls short: He focuses on the individual tasks that we do best (write newsletters, make it rain at work, create new brands, interview potential candidates, etc.) instead of our very individual action style, which applies no matter what task we do.

Say, what?

Explanatory Metaphor Time! Beginning the search for your strengths on the individual tasks level is like treating the symptoms of a disease.

Let’s say you have Lime disease, which means you are very tired all of the time. If you took an obscene and dangerous amount of stimulants, like coffee and Red Bull or whatever it is the kids are drinking these days, you could possibly manage your lethargy.

But, you would still have lime disease.

Another, more literal way of putting this is you can like one flavor of activity more than another (I like listening to music more than I like doing laundry; I like exploring new things more than I like creating systems) but knowing that you like the activity, alone, doesn’t tell you how to do the thing.

Additional Explanatory Caveat-Extraordinaire: I like learning about new things and places and people. It sounds smallish to read “I like learning about new people” but doing it really energizes me. It creates momentum for me.

But here’s the kicker:  Exactly how do I, Laurie, like to learn about new information and people and places? Do I like medium amounts of detail, or copious amounts of detail? Am I better at synthesizing it through the written word, through speaking or through creating a diagram? OR, should I leave the synthesizing up to someone else because that’s not something that comes easily to me?

Information gathering is just an example of something that you might do no matter what task you undertake – and HOW you do it is just as important as the fact that you are doing something you like.

You can understand the how part of who YOU are.  When you do things out there, in the world, there is a how piece of the puzzle.  You can know how you act in your you-est form.

And It NEVER Changes!

Your “action” style (aka Conative style) is instinct driven.

Instinct driven action just means that the way you take actions is governed by part of your brain that does not change.

Therefore, your Conative style is different than your personality profile.  MBTI, the Enneagram and other personality tests’ results change as your personality evolves and you change.

Knowing your personality profile right now can be very validating (i.e. I’m introverted! so that’s why I need down time regularly).

Kathy Kolbe came up with all of this Conative nonsense, and it ROCKS.  She’s been doing it for decades.

I have read all about it, and studying it was part of my “life coach” (not my fav term!) training, but it wasn’t until today, when I did the test (it costs $50 and I thought I could self-analyze. Wrongerson!) that I shed tears.

The clarity of seeing exactly my action patterns is very emotional! I feel like someone understands me, and her name is Kathy Kolbe!  For instance:

• I am at my best when able to work in an unstructured environment;
• I’m a risk taker and communicator – i.e., natural entrepreneur; and
• I create processes by making short cuts and creating efficiencies – I am not the right person to create elaborate  processes for my business.

I highly, highly recommend you take the test if you’re even remotely interested in succeeding in that thing you do.

It’s a short test (I didn’t put much thought into it and the results were dead-on) online, and your score tells you where on the scale you fall in four action categories – my descriptions are so rough, please forgive me, Kathy Kolbe:

1. Fact Finder function (how you gather information)
2. Quick Start function (the way you take actions & how to maximize this)
3. Implementer function (how you deal with physical objects)
4. Follow through function (how you deal with structure, order)

Interesting aside: Whoa, Kathy Kolbe went Stroke of Insight? So Kathy Kolbe says on her interview with Koren Motekaitis.

Go take the test! If you have to borrow $50 to do so, take the test.  The amount of relief you can enjoy being clear on the way you interface in the world is worth $50. Plus, keep the results for infinity and beyond.

(And, no, I receive nothing for recommending it/you clicking the link.)

You should believe me that this is the most excellent strength finder out there – I’m a 6 in fact finding so I can be considered an “expert” in my interests without being bogged down with excessive detail. Kathy Kolbe said!

First know who you are. Then, adorn yourself accordingly.

Remember last Friday?

I explained that I really like rituals, and then I started one. So far, so pleased. Which means we will do it again this Friday. (I already have some Cool Stuff to tell you but I’m saving it for Friday!).

Since Friday’s post, I’ve been thinking more about exactly why rituals are important: From my perspective, mindful rituals give us structured time to come together, to reflect.

Metaphorically speaking…

Explanatory Metaphor (as I am want to do): Rituals are the Aquaducts* of youification.

*Aquaducts are the ancient irrigation system that brought water into cities from the rivers and streams in the country. They are most often associated with those killer Romans. The ancient aquaducts are not only Stone Henge-ly amazing because they were built before John Deere was born, but Italians still USE them! I know I’m dorking out right now, but how cool is it that they are still in good enough shape to be sometimes used?).

My parents did me a tremendous service by exporting the family to Italy when I was in middle school.

I was taking Latin with a kooky Latin teacher who had taught me about things like a Villa Rustica, the ablative verb tense, and all about Aquaducts. When I was in Italy, I remember the Aquaducts much more clearly than anything else.  They were in pretty good shape for being 2,000 years old.

In framing why rituals that we do are important, I think it’s useful to think of them as Aquaducts (not infrastructure or support systems).

This is because the rituals are not the things, just like the Aquaducts are not the things. Rituals are the vehicle for getting the things that are really necessary for us to be our whole selves in the present moment (like Aquaducts route water – get it??) into our personal space.

In a good way.

Rituals: Conclusion (before moving on)

Rituals thus far:  Right now, we have Friday. In Review! in place with our personal youificating Aquaduct system.

• Friday. In Review! creates a space for us to reflect on the Hard Stuff we are dealing with and rave about the Cool Stuff.

Creating space so that we can talk about our Hard Stuff instead of avoiding thinking about it is a biggie, because pretending that the Hard Stuff is not there doesn’t work – tried it!

Basically, what happens when you ignore the fear or the yuckiness is that it all builds up. Then, one day, you have chronic fatigue syndrome or clinical depression, or you just feel crappy 90% of the time. I am not saying that everyone with chronic health problems or depression have themselves to blame in this way, I’m just saying that these are types of real, tangible problems that result from not dealing with the Hard Stuff.

That’s why Friday is our REMINDING time. We are just people. We forget things. We need reminders and REMINDING.

Because the Hard Stuff is actually Good Stuff (shock!), even though it does not feel like that at all. Our Hard Stuff genuinely wants to be transformed into goodness – that is the whole point for it being there.This transformation begins by letting it peak it’s Ugly Duckling little head out.

The transformation is a process.

AND AFTERWARDS, the Ugly Duckling Hard Stuff can be all swan, all of the time.

I feel I’m being vague.  I just re-read all of the post thus far, and now I’m thinking, ugh, I should censor myself more – which I am not going to do. (Tiny bits of self-loathing. Little waves of shame. Ahhhh.)

I want to move on to today’s topic.

As I’ve mentioned, I like helping you find the work that you want to do in the world.  I like helping you crawl back into your body, which means looking like YOU really look (which is at your ideal weight, among other things).

Among other things? Yes. Even if you feel like you’re not into your image at all or anything touching-and-concerning style, I think you might be wrong.

While you may not be interested in fall trends or being fashionable, getting dressed and your physical surroundings are a wonderful, wonderful opportunity for youification.

Welcome to the first edition (in a series) on Style Therapy.

It’s an Aquaduct of fashionable proportions.

We’re going to redress your mess. We will learn to be conscious about why we choose to wear what we wear and what we do with our environments.

Here is what I mean: You have to get dressed every morning (or choose to be in the buff – not my business).  You live somewhere and that place has some kind of stuff skewed about.

When you think about what YOU really want to wear (more on this later) and the environment that YOU really like to live in, you may come up with… nothing right now. (Interesting!)

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, how you dress and your surroundings inform how you feel about yourself.  PLUS! There is the added bonus that style and environment can be a really great tool for getting in touch with yourself.

Youifying your surroundings and what you wear is very fun.  Just sayin’.

First Installation: Pick Your ONE Least Favorite

You must try this out. Many of the things we do are totally optional, but this is not because (1) it’s so freaking easy and (2) you’re not going to believe me that this is helpful unless you try it.  Try it!

STEP 1: Wherever you are right now, think of your least favorite thing about your physical space, wherever you are (cube, home, office, classroom).  I’ll do it too (because that’s how we do things here).

MY PLACE: It really bugs me how this one corner of my bedroom has a bunch of messy crap in it.

STEP 2: How might this least favorite place mirror something in your real life?

ME: Yikes.  Well, I am trying to do way, way too much right now (it’s fun but exhausting).  Doing too much is not me at my happiest. I much prefer peace and order.  My days feel kind of cluttered, to be honest.

Step 3: What is one, small action you can take right now that will improve this least favorite area, wherever you are?

MY ACTION: Go to the corner and clear out just one of the items of clutter. (I’m going with very old Kate Spade purse from my college years)

Step 4: Repeat! Either once a week, during our Style Therapy sessions, or each morning when you wake up as a daily ritual, until that area of least satisfaction is improved.  After that, go to the NEXT area of least satisfaction…

Here, we’re taking actions in the physical world, but it absolutely, positively impacts our emotional & personal growth.

You can totally slam me on this claim – but not until after you’ve tried this, just one time.

It may seem like you’ll NEVER improve your area of least satisfaction one small action at a time, but in areas of STUCK, progress happens best when done one. tiny. step. at a time.

Moving that one thing just now was the first time I’ve improved that corner one iota in MONTHS. I’m guessing you’ve had the same inertia in you’re situation, too.

I generally feel a little better! I love how easy feeling better can be sometimes.  That is more Cool Stuff.

If you enjoyed reading that post, check out Your Two Selves.

Job Tips. The Free Kind.

TIPS! For youifying your job. Because maybe:

• You’re doing what you love (and want it to succeed) or
• You are trying to do work you like, but you’re kind of sucking at it, OR
• You have no. i. dea what you want to do. But you want to like it.

If you end up hating the Youifying Job Tips, make your french exit anytime (unsubscribe!).

Plus, the usual I-would-never-share-your-info-in-a-million-years statement applies here. I would never.

You get tips that are pretty awesome.
And extremely helpful.
And practical & normal-person-clear.*

*(There will be zero rainbows, fluffy animals, sunsets or boring stuff.)

If this is your thing – sign the heck up!  Look for Tips on Tuesdays.

(If this is not your thing, that is totally cool too. You can still hang out here.)

Sign up HERE.

If you like TIPS, check out some Life Lines.

Dane Cook? Really!? REALLY.

Hey, you never know what people really think and care about – HERE’S A BIG, FAT EXAMPLE: Dane Cook.

Goodness gracious!  With a mouth like his you (I) would not expect such sincerity. On the internets, no less.  Read and be amazed.

If you like this post, check out Strategy is the KEYMASTER.

Try and Try Again (there is no fail! only PLAY)

I’m realizing that there is this whole, big “I don’t want to fail” thing going on for people.

And by “people” I mean “me”.

Now that I’m out here, on the internets, being all ME and that being all terrifying, I’m realizing that the model that I used in my previous job, where “failure” is what happens when you, perhaps:

(a) get fired
(b) get a bad review
(c) get yelled at by your boss
(d) all of the above

is totally useless.  Actually, it’s worse than useless – it’s entrepreneurial ruination, no less!

• If you’re not liking the work you do, and are figuring out what it is you would like to do (why you might read my blog, perhaps), you’re going to have to try (in small, tasty bites) new things (gasp!).

And out there, in the world.  That’s where you will have to dip your big toe, to figure out the work you LOVE.  And the “failure” model is way, way not helpful.

Try and Fail? And, then what – quit? No no no no no. This alone will keep you stuck-to-the-max in a job that is killing you.

And just thinking about you being stuck, because you think, if you try something, and it is not perfect on the FIRST TIME, it is a FAILURE? And then you walk away?! It’s killing me! Stop that, right now!

• (The Try and Fail model is a hindrance in your job too… BUT! I’m going to table that talk for the moment, and just talk about why Try and Try Again is like a snuggie for the real YOU)

For instance….

Here’s ME in the Try and Try Again model, as an example. Por ejemplo.

I have been working on my website. I launched my website a while ago, and lately I’ve been revising the pages. This is because I’m getting into the blog groove more and putting more ME out here, and my voice is changing a little, and I want my site to reflect ME and not the expert-version of ME.

In fact, last night, I spent approximately 8 hours revising my homepage. MY HOMEPAGE!  Yes, I went to bed at like 4 am (possible that I didn’t go to bed).

Let me tell you something – I don’t think I even need a homepage. People go there, and click on my “blog” immediately. My blog totally should be my homepage.

But, I like my homepage. For now.

Anyway, the utility of my homepage is not the point.

The point is: if I lived in Try and Fail Land (shudder), the very first time I put my website out there and it was not that cool and (looking back) a little cheesy, oh the horror! and it was just not PERFECT on the FIRST TRY, I would have deleted it all out of shame and yuckitude.

And where would we be now? We sure as shakes wouldn’t be sitting here, me all typing, feeling very tired, and you all reading, feeling ever-so-slightly less alone (you’re not alone!) in the creating of YOU in the world process.

And that wouldn’t be good at all! Try and Fail would have totally screwed me over in the work that is MY work, that I LOVE.

To recap: When we think, there is “Try” and there is “Fail” – and then we try something and it’s not perfect the first time, not only does that feel horrible, it stops the good things from happening.

Try and Try Again (Play Edition!)

I am a high stress, high anxiety person (and by that I just mean that I totally stress out about things that are not important, like not sticking to my unrealistic productivity schedule today).

The best quick way I have found around my taking everything much too seriously and just Try and Try Again, is to tell myself: Just play with it.

• Working on my website, doo daa doo daa – I say to myself “I’m just playing with new content here.”
• Teaching my first seminar – “I am just playing with how I’m ME as a teacher”

Playing with it helps me get in the zone of the Try and Try Again.

If it’s light, and breezy, and like playing with it, just messing around for fun – it is not scary, and loaded, and ALL IMPORTANT.  Make sense?

Another example: Say you really like interior design. You do not want to quit your job and be an interior designer for [your list of your reasons].  BUT, you still really, really like it. It’s energizing and fun and you’re pretty good.

• Play with it. Just play around! Rearrange the furniture with it. Maybe a friend just bought a new house and is not the decorator extraordinaire – offer her some advice. Show her some stuff. Put some stuff together.  Go shopping for rugs together.

You don’t have to:

(1) have a serious plan whereby you must follow whatever you think is the traditional route to something that may (or may not) be YOUR WORK, and then feel overwhelmed and it all seems impossible, anyway, and then give up.

OR

(2) know for SURE what that thing is that you LOVE out there, in the world, with 100% certainty (or even 79%) before you take one, tiny little step to sample a little taste of it.

You can just Play around! It gets the party started. You may ditch it, if it turns out it’s not your thing. And you may do more when you love it!

Either way – you’re having fun. And there is no definition of “failure” to avoid. It’s just not there.

The Blessed Result

The best part of Try and Try Again via Play is that the process is fun.

The second best part is that things work out better. That might actually be the best part – a matter of opinion, I propose.

Things plain work out better when you are out there, doing stuff, having fun and keeping it loose. Why? Because you’re out there. Doing stuff.

Not in here, without any new info for your re-jobification, and fearing the phantom Try and Fail.

I think it was Yoda who said,”DO or DO NOT. There is no TRY.”

I (respectfully) beg to differ. ” TRY and TRY AGAIN. There is no FAIL.”

If you were into that post, check out Get Thee to the Helpery.