Beautiful Rowdy Prisoners.

There’s a class I’m taking with Meadow Devour and Brooke Castillo on The Art of Self Coaching. I love it, and it hasn’t even *officially* started yet.

{Just forum lurking and playlist listening. Loving.}

A most fabulous poem at the beginning of our workbook… it’s really good, really true.

There is a lot to ponder in it. What’s most powerful to me is how much we can try to pigeon hole things, or categorize ourselves as a [this kind of] person — and we get trapped in how we think of everything.

But, we don’t have to be.

Dropping Keys

The small  man

Builds cages for everyone

He

Knows.

While the sage,

Who has to duck his head

When the moon is low,

Keeps dropping keys all night long

For the

Beautiful

Rowdy

Prisoners.

– Hafiz

4 steps to start your *thing* on the side.

You can start your *thing* on the side and create it to fit your current lifestyle and schedule — and, ideal lifestyle and schedule — no matter what your situation is today.

And by, “no matter what your situation is,” I mean you could have a job or not have a job, have a life or need to get a life (been there — worth getting), rich or poor or WHATEVER. You can have a fun thing, on the side.

And, by “thing” I mean something you do, in the world, to make money, that is not the primary way you either make money, or spend your time.

The actually doing of it is really, really fun — especially when your thing on the side morphs into that thing you do, in the world.

Here’s how you can start your thing on the side, today.

Step 1: So, what IS my thing, even?

The first step in starting your thing on the side is knowing what that thing might be.

Read the rest of this entry »

Make the truly stubborn things happen.

Yesterday, I was telling you all about how I’ve felt like I’ve been doing all of the right things, and some weird things too, and not seeing the usual results.

(And, I even re-read my favorite blog post.)

I want to give you a concrete example — and make sure that I’m making sense (not so sure…).

Sometimes things happen. Sometimes… they don’t.

I’m talking about making things actually HAPPEN. Mainly, things happening in your relationships (with the food, with yourself, with your people, with business-stuff, etc. and infinity and beyond), but this could include all things, too.

Especially in areas of your life where you’ve been fruitlessly trying to make things happen (and NOTHING IS HAPPPPEEEENNIINNG).

But, here’s the twist — stuff can happen! And, you know, you CAN do it.

Just follow me.

Read the rest of this entry »

Well… why isn’t anything, like, HAPPENING?

Here’s something I’ve been noticing — and maybe you’ve noticed, too (I don’t know — you tell me):

Do you spend like a LOT of time thinking about your life, maybe even “working on yourself” and your relationships?

And, very little, like, happens?

I’ve been noticing that a lot lately for myself. Specifically, I’ve been working on (1) my relationships with people that I really care about and (2) my relationship with my business.

People: I really care about you…

But, why do I not always show it?

I’ve been watching my patterns (when do I start withdrawing? What am I thinking with I do that) and bringing awareness into the little pieces of them:

• I pull back from people I’m close to — what is that about? When does that start? What am I thinking at that time? With whom (note proper grammar — always torn, sounds snobby but it is right) do I do this?
• I can be a fight-picker… what the what is up with that? Especially since I re-heaaaally hate fighting and conflict (working on it). What am I thinking when I do that? With whom (again, I know) do I do this?
• I feel like I need to make you happy (as if that were even possible). When does that come up the most often? What do I think I’ll get out of that?

These are good questions (not to pat myself on the back too much, I’ve just been at this for, like, decades) and they always help me understand my REAL motivation. It’s finding my intention (we always have one).

But, I’ve been asking and asking and asking.  It has begun to feel like total navel- gazing, and has been not productive. I am asking but without a lot of answering.

Or, even if there are answers, I don’t GET anywhere.

I love to write! And, make programs! And, yet…

I have felt ultra-stuck in coming out with these really cooooool, fun and affordable and FUN thingies I’m working on for you.  Whhhhyyyyyyyy?

I ask-a the questions. I get-a no answers.

(Or, answers? maybe these are the answers? But maybe not, because NOTHING IS HAPPENING).

I’m accepting where I am. But I’m still taking small steps. I’m dissolving my limiting beliefs. I’m listening to my body.

Yeah, I’ve felt frustrated. Part of what is really frustrating is that talking about stuff really helps in changing your relationships with anything, but I haven’t known how to put language to this, even.

Which is why this is the first you’re hearing about any of it.

But all of a sudden!  I GET IT.

Read the rest of this entry »

A hard time — same thing as the Terror Monkey.

Hello, lovey! This isn’t really a post, it’s more of a, Hello! I miss you and want to tell you stuff I’m up to and thinking about.

The best people on the planet enroll in my classes.

How they find me, or know I will love them?? Who knows! But, I always do. I love their emails, their vibe, their questions, everything.  It makes what I do worth doing, and fun.

We just wrapped up the last Guerilla Weight Loss class in the history of the universe (dramatic! but, true).  There will be other classes, but no more of those. It was a really good class, lots of fabulous breakthroughs and aha’s! And, it’s just fun.

The reason I’m not doing it again (because someone asked me, it’s a super good q) is that I’m ready to move on to new and different and varied materials in a different way. Not that I won’t help you change your relationship with food, I SO will, but I want to continue to grow with my biznik. That is the new, cool word for business… or, something.

I get to take a mini-vacay!

This weekend! Although, I’ve sort of already started stressing out about whether or not I’ll be able to relax.  Dumb-ass monkey mind.

I’ve FINALLY made a bunch of progress on my NEW STUFF!

I have a dream… to put this THING out there that is related to Guerilla Weight Loss class but a little different, maybe (shock-attack) better, even, and cheaper! So, basically it’s the absolute most perfect thing oh-my-freaking-gosh. No pressure.

It’s so weird how I’m a person who helps people improve and change their relationships (with food, with themselves, with other people, with their careers) and I still totally get stuck in mine, like I did trying to actually do this NEW STUFF. I’m telling you, it happens, like, all of the time.

I guess the “spin” I could throw at you here is:

Well, first I was all stuck, and then, being perfect, I figured it out! Now everything is just WONDERFUL.

That makes me feel so extremely gross. I have to say, though, how freaking much do people who aim to help you with stuff (read: coaches) spout the “look at how imperfect I was, but how perfect I am now… which means I’m all done with this process I’ll teach you, so you can be like me!” story?

You know what I mean? Sometimes, you want to believe what they are saying, but there is something about it that feels… suspicious.

Well, you’re right to be suspect of the above and similar versions of it.

I officially call total bullshit.

Read the rest of this entry »

Change Cyclist gets a new gig. Still great parking.

Yes, a new gig! Even in this economy.

The Change Cycle (or, the “four squares,” or the Cycle o’ Doom — whatever you feel like calling it) helps us move through the changes that we inevitably go through with much more ease, and speed, and effectiveness.

It’s a model for alllll change.  We are all in one of the squares in each area of our lives, and so is every other person or company or country.

All very useful things when you feel, um, totally and completely lost as to what you should do. Happens.

So let’s walk me and my career change through the Cycle of Change to see how, if you’re dabbling in the idea of another kind of work being right for you, you have the skillz to figure out what the hell that kind of work might be.

Commence Change Cycling!

I’ve had a lovely time. But this wasn’t it.

Realizing that there needs to be a job change takes a lot of different forms.

• FLAVOR #1: I really don’t want to go out there and find another career/thing that I do, but I am MISERABLE here.
• FLAVOR #2: I’ve always wanted to do something with my life, and now that MeeMaw died, I see life is short — time to do SOMETHING.
• FLAVOR #3: I just inherited Mario Batali’s empire! Holy %#@&!

My gig revision looked like Flavor #1, which is kind of like someone slipping something into your drink.  You feel really different, but WHY??

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Change Cyclists: they get all the great parking spots.

We are all in the glorious Cycle o’ Change at all times, in all aspects of our lives.

It’s supremely useful to know where you are in the Change Cycle so you know things you can actually DO that will be productive in a short-term AND long-term sense for moving forward, in the direction of flow, instead of bouncing around and staying befuddled.

(The Change Cycle is a Martha Beck-ism, and I use it all of the dang time in my life and with clients because it’s TREMENDOUSLY reassuring to know that just because you have started that new THING you’ve been wanting to do for so long, or FINALLY lost all of the weight, or whatever you’re not crazy that you’re feeling lost… or, a sense of loss.)

Here’s the overview –

The Change Cycle (It runs clockwise — I’m not so savvy with the-making-of-the-graphics thing…)

So, there it is! And here is what it all means.

Change. It’s one thing we can always count on!

Change is something a lot of us (read: I) avoid. That’s because BIG changes feel like a total melt down, and because don’t know that this is exactly what is supposed to happen, it feels weird and wrong. So, we avoid it.

Unfortunately (well, it’s actually good but feels unfortunate at the time), the changes come no matter how much we do to prevent them. The ones that send you to square 1 are those memories that mark your history, like, “That was before I moved to New York,” or, “Ever since Carl and I broke up,”… X happens, and it marks a spot for you.

The big ones tend to have these three flavors:

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Tuesday Styles #10: Cheer ye, cheer ye! Change Cyclists, UNITE!

Form follows function.

(I quoth Le Corbusier, a famed architect of the 20th century… eat your heart out, IM Pei, you schmuck).

I’ve been feeling a little shab-tastic lately.

I haven’t been as into expressing myself through what I’m wearing lately.

It’s not like me!

I mean, I cognitively understand the vibrant options and infinite combinations that exist in all closets (for realsies) tire me.

Vat has happened??

All the stuff we’ve talked about regarding style is still true. It’s true!

• Only letting the most wonderful of joyful things into our space… this is a real thing that really can change your life. What you surround yourself with informs how you feel about yourself. TOTALLY.

But, it hasn’t felt all that important to me lately. Of all people! I mean, I started this stupid series, for heaven’s sake!!!

First of all, remember my commitment to stop beating myself up?

Well, here’s another example of when I beat myself up… for trying things and changing things here on a blog that I am the boss of with no one to answer to but me, and only my favorite YOU to talk to.

What is a beating doing HERE??

Well, I did a little beat-up dance about how I should be more energized over style… and then, I remembered that every one of us is existing in the Change Cycle, somewhere or other!

Which, I’m realizing, I’ve never even talked with you about —

Change Cycle! Be a Change Cyclist, you save your world.

Well, I touched on it here, in dealing with overwhelm. But it needs it’s own post. STAY TUNED, lassie.

It’s VERY reassuring for times when you are in a, what’s going ON with me lately? state. I mean, one way out of a funk is to just change one thing. That works like ah chahm.

But the Change Cycle is great because it explains every single thing that is going on for you at all times. Not joking.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Dictator has taken possession of your mind.

You know what is freaking creepy? How much we sound like little Hitlers when we are talking to ourselves.

I did not fully realize this until last week when I started monitoring what I told myself when I did something that I have been trying not to do for a while.

It goes like this (this is the weight loss edition — in honor of tomorrow’s class! You can insert thing-that-you-do-that-you-wish-you-didn’t-do HERE):

• Write down the things you tell yourself after you overeat. ALL of the things (you do it now, before you keep reading, because it works better that way).
• Now, how does hearing those things make you feel? After each sentence, write down how it makes you feel (you may be a lil’ surprised by some of the answers… sad/frustrated and excited, for instance…). Pause at each sentence and see what emotions come up for you.
• When you feel that way, how do you feel about food (or that-you-do-that-you-wish-you-didn’t-do)? Do you want to do the thing/eat more, or less?

Interesting, right????

Because, what if you committed to not beating yourself up, and just watching where in your life you beat yourself up?? Wouldn’t that be interesting?

I beat myself for a handful of reasons, including:

• Eating when I’m not hungry (yes, even I do this sometimes)
• Not being productive enough
• Not BEING PRODUCTIVE ENOUGH, already, Gay!?!

And other things, too.

What’s interesting is that I’ve found that, I am eating/being unproductive TO beat myself up. It’s a lovely little side bogie distraction from a lot of things that I don’t want to feel or deal with.

Which, as I know very well, makes nothing go away. I can hide under the sheets, that is totally fine…

…but, in this life, I’ve committed to working through my junk and showing you how to work through yours, too.

What do you beat yourself up about, ehhhh? (we all SO do this… just start being curious about it… I believe it’s a great back door into some lovely happiness waiting for you.)

Taking the “crappy” out of your day.

Aaaaaaaaaand, here we are! We have arrived at a crappy day.

(By “we” I mean “me”).

I woke up feeling really yucky. I didn’t feel like getting-up-and-getting-going. I felt heavy, and rotten, and gross.

In the food and weight loss world in which I play, one might call this “feeling fat.”

My first reaction: I should not be feeling this way!

For one thing, I’m a person that helps other people be themselves, be happy and be free from obsessions that are crazy-making. So, to do that, I need to be living it.

And when you’re living in your own skin, doing what is right for you and respecting your body, it feels good… which, is how I’m supposed to feel, right? And, yet, I feel all crappy.

Hypocrite! Thy name is Laurie. I must not be doing stuff right!  I must not be taking care of myself.

Which means, I’m a failure! Ay yi yi, the dreaded failure. You know – DOOOOM!

It also means adding a layer of self-loathing to my already state of crapitude.

We kind of all do this. You know, when you’re angry at yourself for not being more, or better, or producing enough?

That’s what I’m talking about. It’s the anger on top of the not-ideal emotion that’s hanging out in side of you.

I know that I do this — I’ve earmarked it in my Book of Me. I know that when I try to beat the crappy mood out of me, I’m actually kicking holes in walls that are built back stronger, instead of dissolving the walls and making the progress and healing that I want. I really, really want.

I know that a better way to handle anything is from a place of acceptance. Read the rest of this entry »