Lessons from a bug.

I want to tell you a tale,  a harrowing adventure that I had, just other day…

It was, life and death! What will happen NEXT?!

It involved a butterfly, moving vehicles, and a narrow escape.

Enter… a car.

I had a meeting with a restauranteur. I love food and restaurants and want to know more about actually doing that, so I met with this restauranteur guy, it was really fun.

I left happy and care free, I’ve literally never heard a human being speak so fast, however. Then, I got into my car.

I backed out of my parking space, and started to drive away….

[where the plot THICKENS]

Enter… a butterfly.

… until! I noticed! There was a butterfly, clinging for life… on the hood of my car!

And for some reason, how butterflies are built, the butterfly couldn’t take off and fly away while I was moving.

And… I couldn’t stop the car! Too much traffic. flying everywhere!

I had cars behind me and in front of me, so I slowed to a crawl.

I was that annoying person in the parking lot that is driving so slow, she might as well have been driving backwards.

But… I am not going to accelerate and risk a butterfly’s demise, you know?

I have standards. And, priorities.

Enter… a very, very slow drive. Lots of honking.

There was honking – everywhere.

Instead of speeding up, I just took the heat.

(more…)

4 steps to start your *thing* on the side.

You can start your *thing* on the side and create it to fit your current lifestyle and schedule — and, ideal lifestyle and schedule — no matter what your situation is today.

And by, “no matter what your situation is,” I mean you could have a job or not have a job, have a life or need to get a life (been there — worth getting), rich or poor or WHATEVER. You can have a fun thing, on the side.

And, by “thing” I mean something you do, in the world, to make money, that is not the primary way you either make money, or spend your time.

The actually doing of it is really, really fun — especially when your thing on the side morphs into that thing you do, in the world.

Here’s how you can start your thing on the side, today.

Step 1: So, what IS my thing, even?

The first step in starting your thing on the side is knowing what that thing might be.

(more…)

Make the truly stubborn things happen.

Yesterday, I was telling you all about how I’ve felt like I’ve been doing all of the right things, and some weird things too, and not seeing the usual results.

(And, I even re-read my favorite blog post.)

I want to give you a concrete example — and make sure that I’m making sense (not so sure…).

Sometimes things happen. Sometimes… they don’t.

I’m talking about making things actually HAPPEN. Mainly, things happening in your relationships (with the food, with yourself, with your people, with business-stuff, etc. and infinity and beyond), but this could include all things, too.

Especially in areas of your life where you’ve been fruitlessly trying to make things happen (and NOTHING IS HAPPPPEEEENNIINNG).

But, here’s the twist — stuff can happen! And, you know, you CAN do it.

Just follow me.

(more…)

Well… why isn’t anything, like, HAPPENING?

Here’s something I’ve been noticing — and maybe you’ve noticed, too (I don’t know — you tell me):

Do you spend like a LOT of time thinking about your life, maybe even “working on yourself” and your relationships?

And, very little, like, happens?

I’ve been noticing that a lot lately for myself. Specifically, I’ve been working on (1) my relationships with people that I really care about and (2) my relationship with my business.

People: I really care about you…

But, why do I not always show it?

I’ve been watching my patterns (when do I start withdrawing? What am I thinking with I do that) and bringing awareness into the little pieces of them:

• I pull back from people I’m close to — what is that about? When does that start? What am I thinking at that time? With whom (note proper grammar — always torn, sounds snobby but it is right) do I do this?
• I can be a fight-picker… what the what is up with that? Especially since I re-heaaaally hate fighting and conflict (working on it). What am I thinking when I do that? With whom (again, I know) do I do this?
• I feel like I need to make you happy (as if that were even possible). When does that come up the most often? What do I think I’ll get out of that?

These are good questions (not to pat myself on the back too much, I’ve just been at this for, like, decades) and they always help me understand my REAL motivation. It’s finding my intention (we always have one).

But, I’ve been asking and asking and asking.  It has begun to feel like total navel- gazing, and has been not productive. I am asking but without a lot of answering.

Or, even if there are answers, I don’t GET anywhere.

I love to write! And, make programs! And, yet…

I have felt ultra-stuck in coming out with these really cooooool, fun and affordable and FUN thingies I’m working on for you.  Whhhhyyyyyyyy?

I ask-a the questions. I get-a no answers.

(Or, answers? maybe these are the answers? But maybe not, because NOTHING IS HAPPENING).

I’m accepting where I am. But I’m still taking small steps. I’m dissolving my limiting beliefs. I’m listening to my body.

Yeah, I’ve felt frustrated. Part of what is really frustrating is that talking about stuff really helps in changing your relationships with anything, but I haven’t known how to put language to this, even.

Which is why this is the first you’re hearing about any of it.

But all of a sudden!  I GET IT.

(more…)

Change Cyclist gets a new gig. Still great parking.

Yes, a new gig! Even in this economy.

The Change Cycle (or, the “four squares,” or the Cycle o’ Doom — whatever you feel like calling it) helps us move through the changes that we inevitably go through with much more ease, and speed, and effectiveness.

It’s a model for alllll change.  We are all in one of the squares in each area of our lives, and so is every other person or company or country.

All very useful things when you feel, um, totally and completely lost as to what you should do. Happens.

So let’s walk me and my career change through the Cycle of Change to see how, if you’re dabbling in the idea of another kind of work being right for you, you have the skillz to figure out what the hell that kind of work might be.

Commence Change Cycling!

I’ve had a lovely time. But this wasn’t it.

Realizing that there needs to be a job change takes a lot of different forms.

• FLAVOR #1: I really don’t want to go out there and find another career/thing that I do, but I am MISERABLE here.
• FLAVOR #2: I’ve always wanted to do something with my life, and now that MeeMaw died, I see life is short — time to do SOMETHING.
• FLAVOR #3: I just inherited Mario Batali’s empire! Holy %#@&!

My gig revision looked like Flavor #1, which is kind of like someone slipping something into your drink.  You feel really different, but WHY??

(more…)

Change Cyclists: they get all the great parking spots.

We are all in the glorious Cycle o’ Change at all times, in all aspects of our lives.

It’s supremely useful to know where you are in the Change Cycle so you know things you can actually DO that will be productive in a short-term AND long-term sense for moving forward, in the direction of flow, instead of bouncing around and staying befuddled.

(The Change Cycle is a Martha Beck-ism, and I use it all of the dang time in my life and with clients because it’s TREMENDOUSLY reassuring to know that just because you have started that new THING you’ve been wanting to do for so long, or FINALLY lost all of the weight, or whatever you’re not crazy that you’re feeling lost… or, a sense of loss.)

Here’s the overview –

The Change Cycle (It runs clockwise — I’m not so savvy with the-making-of-the-graphics thing…)

SQAURE 1          ————————————> Death and Rebirth Grieve what you’ve lost, Disbelieve the thoughts that are not true	SQUARE 2      ————————————> Dreaming and Scheming Ideas come! Inspiration & knowing more what you want
SQUARE 4 The Promised Land  You’ve created the life you want and it’s awesome. You tweak here and there but mainly, you learn to do LESS, enjoy and find challenges in new ways. <————————————————	SQUARE 3 The Hero’s Saga  The actually DOING it part of the change cycle. You’re clear on what you want and you feel ready to go out and make it happen. <————————————————

So, there it is! And here is what it all means.

Change. It’s one thing we can always count on!

Change is something a lot of us (read: I) avoid. That’s because BIG changes feel like a total melt down, and because don’t know that this is exactly what is supposed to happen, it feels weird and wrong. So, we avoid it.

Unfortunately (well, it’s actually good but feels unfortunate at the time), the changes come no matter how much we do to prevent them. The ones that send you to square 1 are those memories that mark your history, like, “That was before I moved to New York,” or, “Ever since Carl and I broke up,”… X happens, and it marks a spot for you.

The big ones tend to have these three flavors:

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The Dictator has taken possession of your mind.

You know what is freaking creepy? How much we sound like little Hitlers when we are talking to ourselves.

I did not fully realize this until last week when I started monitoring what I told myself when I did something that I have been trying not to do for a while.

It goes like this (this is the weight loss edition — in honor of tomorrow’s class! You can insert thing-that-you-do-that-you-wish-you-didn’t-do HERE):

• Write down the things you tell yourself after you overeat. ALL of the things (you do it now, before you keep reading, because it works better that way).
• Now, how does hearing those things make you feel? After each sentence, write down how it makes you feel (you may be a lil’ surprised by some of the answers… sad/frustrated and excited, for instance…). Pause at each sentence and see what emotions come up for you.
• When you feel that way, how do you feel about food (or that-you-do-that-you-wish-you-didn’t-do)? Do you want to do the thing/eat more, or less?

Interesting, right????

Because, what if you committed to not beating yourself up, and just watching where in your life you beat yourself up?? Wouldn’t that be interesting?

I beat myself for a handful of reasons, including:

• Eating when I’m not hungry (yes, even I do this sometimes)
• Not being productive enough
• Not BEING PRODUCTIVE ENOUGH, already, Gay!?!

And other things, too.

What’s interesting is that I’ve found that, I am eating/being unproductive TO beat myself up. It’s a lovely little side bogie distraction from a lot of things that I don’t want to feel or deal with.

Which, as I know very well, makes nothing go away. I can hide under the sheets, that is totally fine…

…but, in this life, I’ve committed to working through my junk and showing you how to work through yours, too.

What do you beat yourself up about, ehhhh? (we all SO do this… just start being curious about it… I believe it’s a great back door into some lovely happiness waiting for you.)

Taking the “crappy” out of your day.

Aaaaaaaaaand, here we are! We have arrived at a crappy day.

(By “we” I mean “me”).

I woke up feeling really yucky. I didn’t feel like getting-up-and-getting-going. I felt heavy, and rotten, and gross.

In the food and weight loss world in which I play, one might call this “feeling fat.”

My first reaction: I should not be feeling this way!

For one thing, I’m a person that helps other people be themselves, be happy and be free from obsessions that are crazy-making. So, to do that, I need to be living it.

And when you’re living in your own skin, doing what is right for you and respecting your body, it feels good… which, is how I’m supposed to feel, right? And, yet, I feel all crappy.

Hypocrite! Thy name is Laurie. I must not be doing stuff right!  I must not be taking care of myself.

Which means, I’m a failure! Ay yi yi, the dreaded failure. You know – DOOOOM!

It also means adding a layer of self-loathing to my already state of crapitude.

We kind of all do this. You know, when you’re angry at yourself for not being more, or better, or producing enough?

That’s what I’m talking about. It’s the anger on top of the not-ideal emotion that’s hanging out in side of you.

I know that I do this — I’ve earmarked it in my Book of Me. I know that when I try to beat the crappy mood out of me, I’m actually kicking holes in walls that are built back stronger, instead of dissolving the walls and making the progress and healing that I want. I really, really want.

I know that a better way to handle anything is from a place of acceptance. (more…)

Youification 101

Note! This is a very general post. It’s a good one, because I’ve been wanting to spew forth these thought monkeys for a long time. But it may raise a lot of questions for you (not always a bad thing).

YOU-i-fied/ You-if-i-CA-tion:

To be more of who you are in that thing you do (or want to do)

Who needs it? Um, everyone. Or, at least, I do, and My People (that’s you!) do, too.

What it is? In a very, very broad sense, it is, “to be more of who you are in that thing you do (or want to do) out there, in the world.”

But that’s pretty broad. If that statement had a comic book, it would be The Super Hero with Some Super Powers. Extremely vague.

Let’s start with the important stuff.

(more…)

Sucky Yoga and Grim Vibe Gay

Sucky yoga.

It’s the evil petting zoo version of [capital] Yoga.

I am currently engaged in a Sucky Yoga Bootcamp — except, when it was advertised, the Sucky was silent, so I thought I was signing up for a Yoga Bootcamp (really a {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp masquerading as Yoga Bootcamp).

Sure, it would be at 6 a.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for 8 weeks. Sure, it’s 15-20 minutes from where I live. These parts were not left silent.

It was also not cheap, and with the price tag and the above-mentioned obstacles, I’m expecting this {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp to deliver.

You know, de-liver. Like, be challenging! Enlightening! Very attuned to form and everything else I’ve ever wanted yoga to be.

Possibly, unrealistic. Whatever.

Because instead of being the ultimate yoga challenge of the century!, it’s kind of a suckfest. Suck-a-thon. It’s suck-tastic.

The guy teaching is, like, okay.  As a human being, we probably wouldn’t hang out. That’s cool though, that’s just part of me knowing who my Right People are (which is a good thing to know) and who my Right People are definitely not.

What truthfully bothers me is that it’s all just SO DAMN SLOW. He talks slow, we stop and like, hang out, in between poses, which also slows things way, way down until we slooooowly get into another pose.

I even like slow (a.k.a., “restorative“) yoga. I like it a lot.

But this is like yoga for the elderly who also have ADHD, and aren’t able to study one thing for very long, so attention is all jerky and distracted AND are also creaky and cannot be that distracted very quickly. Creeping, but all over the place.

Also: stop telling me what to do, guy. My body doesn’t like it when I do something called the butterfly or whatever it is you just said. Ouch-in-the-spine (always bad, duh).

And I’ve pulled my back (or pinched a nerve, who freaking knows, but it’s annoying). So, I really can only do some stuff and cannot do other, twisty stuff. (Yes, I know who you’re talking to when you repeat to twist more deeply 4 extra times.)

There’s also this dude who releases, um, bodily noises (so gross, sorry to put that on you) throughout the class at an alarming frequency. And he doesn’t really look that clean.

Sick.

I sort of hate you, {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp! Blah!

Early morning, long-ish drive, 90 minutes of movement suited for ADHD octogenarians and a disgusting side show.

And I’m pretty sure that I bring everyone in the class down with me in my negative tornado of loathing.

Reportedly, there was a “grim vibe” in class today.

That would be me. I would be the Grim Vibe in class.

Yoo hoo! It’s just me, Grim Vibe Gay.

And, here’s the most surprising part.

Clearly, I have grown to hate this class.

But what is sooo interesting is how much better I feel afterwards. Even this yoga makes me feel peaceful, more open and more creative.

Can you believe that? Clearly, after reading my ranting, you can appreciate how much I don’t like this {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp.

And even when Grim Vibe Gay has villianously ruined it, for everyone else!

The fact that I still get something out of this tells me a couple of things that can go in my Book of Me (see tomorrow’s post).

(Book of Me, briefly for now, keeps track on stuff that works for me, doesn’t work for me and things in the “other” category of me.)

Things like:

• First, it tells me that even when the sucky is silent in self-care stuff, like yoga, it’s still worth doing. So, do it even if I have reservations.

That is good to know because there are times when I know a class will be s0-so, it’s not paid for like this {Sucky} Bootcamp and so, I don’t go. Really, going is better than not going.

• It tells me that I’m turning someone who is not my Right Person into an enemy.

This is not a useful habit. Really, it’s totally fine for anyone to not be one of my Right People. Super fine! No big deal! That’s part of finding all of my Right People (hello there, Right Person!).

But instead, I am not respecting his Him-ness. He gets to be as slow and herky-jerkified as he wants to be. It is his class, and just because he does that doesn’t mean I have to do that, too.

Because, I am the boss of me. Just ask my big sister. She’s been told that a lot.

Not in an aggressive, power-suit way, but in a Epsolom the catepillar from Alice in Wonderland kind of way. It just is.

It’s a knowing power, a deep and peaceful fact that I’m in charge of what my body does or doesn’t do and it’s fine for Other People not to be on board with that. They don’t have to agree with my worldview on this or anything else.

• I am allowed to not want to hang out with all people.

The person who happens to guide me in stuff (life stuff, work stuff, yoga stuff) is important to my experience of the process. It’s okay to be choosy. I can be as choosy as I want to me.

• Grim Vibe Gay is bringing people down.

It is worth it to find a way to have my own experience of a class that is not how I would like the class to be so that I’m not ruining it for everyone else, whose experience matters just as much to them as mine does to me.

For whatever reason, my energy affects theirs’ (maybe true for all people?) and it would be loving to them to work on myself here so that they can have their own experience, and not GVG’s.

Stuff I can do about this {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp experience.

I could stop going.

I could go, stay in the back, and do my own thing when I would like to.

I could remember my Book of Me’s, and let this time be a clearing out of crappy moods and an opportunity to learn different boundaries between me and this yoga guy.

Because, really, this is all about my relationship with Other People. It’s all about where my business stops (my business, which is where I belong and feel happiest), and Other People’s business begins (which I don’t belong in and breeds anxiety for me).

It can be a lesson in how I relate to Other People, where I have patterns of thinking and action that don’t serve me well. I think {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp is that whether I want it to be or not.

Well, if I stop going, it won’t have to be a teacher in Life School. And I can quit going if I feel that’s the best path for me.

Maybe I will go. Maybe I won’t go.

But, I do commit to watching this pattern with Other People who are not my Right People generally. It’s bound to come up again.

And learning to stay in my business and letting them run their business however they want, out of kindness for myself and not frustration with them (who knows where they come from! They could drink from toilets, for all we know.)

In the comments, I’d like:

• Anything! That is not advice (or admonishment for GVG)
• Also, thoughts on you and Other People
• Places where Other People get to you