A hard time — same thing as the Terror Monkey.

Hello, lovey! This isn’t really a post, it’s more of a, Hello! I miss you and want to tell you stuff I’m up to and thinking about.

The best people on the planet enroll in my classes.

How they find me, or know I will love them?? Who knows! But, I always do. I love their emails, their vibe, their questions, everything.  It makes what I do worth doing, and fun.

We just wrapped up the last Guerilla Weight Loss class in the history of the universe (dramatic! but, true).  There will be other classes, but no more of those. It was a really good class, lots of fabulous breakthroughs and aha’s! And, it’s just fun.

The reason I’m not doing it again (because someone asked me, it’s a super good q) is that I’m ready to move on to new and different and varied materials in a different way. Not that I won’t help you change your relationship with food, I SO will, but I want to continue to grow with my biznik. That is the new, cool word for business… or, something.

I get to take a mini-vacay!

This weekend! Although, I’ve sort of already started stressing out about whether or not I’ll be able to relax.  Dumb-ass monkey mind.

I’ve FINALLY made a bunch of progress on my NEW STUFF!

I have a dream… to put this THING out there that is related to Guerilla Weight Loss class but a little different, maybe (shock-attack) better, even, and cheaper! So, basically it’s the absolute most perfect thing oh-my-freaking-gosh. No pressure.

It’s so weird how I’m a person who helps people improve and change their relationships (with food, with themselves, with other people, with their careers) and I still totally get stuck in mine, like I did trying to actually do this NEW STUFF. I’m telling you, it happens, like, all of the time.

I guess the “spin” I could throw at you here is:

Well, first I was all stuck, and then, being perfect, I figured it out! Now everything is just WONDERFUL.

That makes me feel so extremely gross. I have to say, though, how freaking much do people who aim to help you with stuff (read: coaches) spout the “look at how imperfect I was, but how perfect I am now… which means I’m all done with this process I’ll teach you, so you can be like me!” story?

You know what I mean? Sometimes, you want to believe what they are saying, but there is something about it that feels… suspicious.

Well, you’re right to be suspect of the above and similar versions of it.

I officially call total bullshit.

(more…)

Change Cyclists: they get all the great parking spots.

We are all in the glorious Cycle o’ Change at all times, in all aspects of our lives.

It’s supremely useful to know where you are in the Change Cycle so you know things you can actually DO that will be productive in a short-term AND long-term sense for moving forward, in the direction of flow, instead of bouncing around and staying befuddled.

(The Change Cycle is a Martha Beck-ism, and I use it all of the dang time in my life and with clients because it’s TREMENDOUSLY reassuring to know that just because you have started that new THING you’ve been wanting to do for so long, or FINALLY lost all of the weight, or whatever you’re not crazy that you’re feeling lost… or, a sense of loss.)

Here’s the overview –

The Change Cycle (It runs clockwise — I’m not so savvy with the-making-of-the-graphics thing…)

So, there it is! And here is what it all means.

Change. It’s one thing we can always count on!

Change is something a lot of us (read: I) avoid. That’s because BIG changes feel like a total melt down, and because don’t know that this is exactly what is supposed to happen, it feels weird and wrong. So, we avoid it.

Unfortunately (well, it’s actually good but feels unfortunate at the time), the changes come no matter how much we do to prevent them. The ones that send you to square 1 are those memories that mark your history, like, “That was before I moved to New York,” or, “Ever since Carl and I broke up,”… X happens, and it marks a spot for you.

The big ones tend to have these three flavors:

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Tuesday Styles #10: Cheer ye, cheer ye! Change Cyclists, UNITE!

Form follows function.

(I quoth Le Corbusier, a famed architect of the 20th century… eat your heart out, IM Pei, you schmuck).

I’ve been feeling a little shab-tastic lately.

I haven’t been as into expressing myself through what I’m wearing lately.

It’s not like me!

I mean, I cognitively understand the vibrant options and infinite combinations that exist in all closets (for realsies) tire me.

Vat has happened??

All the stuff we’ve talked about regarding style is still true. It’s true!

• Only letting the most wonderful of joyful things into our space… this is a real thing that really can change your life. What you surround yourself with informs how you feel about yourself. TOTALLY.

But, it hasn’t felt all that important to me lately. Of all people! I mean, I started this stupid series, for heaven’s sake!!!

First of all, remember my commitment to stop beating myself up?

Well, here’s another example of when I beat myself up… for trying things and changing things here on a blog that I am the boss of with no one to answer to but me, and only my favorite YOU to talk to.

What is a beating doing HERE??

Well, I did a little beat-up dance about how I should be more energized over style… and then, I remembered that every one of us is existing in the Change Cycle, somewhere or other!

Which, I’m realizing, I’ve never even talked with you about —

Change Cycle! Be a Change Cyclist, you save your world.

Well, I touched on it here, in dealing with overwhelm. But it needs it’s own post. STAY TUNED, lassie.

It’s VERY reassuring for times when you are in a, what’s going ON with me lately? state. I mean, one way out of a funk is to just change one thing. That works like ah chahm.

But the Change Cycle is great because it explains every single thing that is going on for you at all times. Not joking.

(more…)

Taking the “crappy” out of your day.

Aaaaaaaaaand, here we are! We have arrived at a crappy day.

(By “we” I mean “me”).

I woke up feeling really yucky. I didn’t feel like getting-up-and-getting-going. I felt heavy, and rotten, and gross.

In the food and weight loss world in which I play, one might call this “feeling fat.”

My first reaction: I should not be feeling this way!

For one thing, I’m a person that helps other people be themselves, be happy and be free from obsessions that are crazy-making. So, to do that, I need to be living it.

And when you’re living in your own skin, doing what is right for you and respecting your body, it feels good… which, is how I’m supposed to feel, right? And, yet, I feel all crappy.

Hypocrite! Thy name is Laurie. I must not be doing stuff right!  I must not be taking care of myself.

Which means, I’m a failure! Ay yi yi, the dreaded failure. You know – DOOOOM!

It also means adding a layer of self-loathing to my already state of crapitude.

We kind of all do this. You know, when you’re angry at yourself for not being more, or better, or producing enough?

That’s what I’m talking about. It’s the anger on top of the not-ideal emotion that’s hanging out in side of you.

I know that I do this — I’ve earmarked it in my Book of Me. I know that when I try to beat the crappy mood out of me, I’m actually kicking holes in walls that are built back stronger, instead of dissolving the walls and making the progress and healing that I want. I really, really want.

I know that a better way to handle anything is from a place of acceptance. (more…)

Eating of the forbidden fettucini (and be naturally thin)

New restaurants, cooking (like last night! sweet potato latkes and chipotle pork tenderloin, an experiment! moderate success) and cool new food-stuffs… love.

So! What to do, when one of your loves is also giving you love handles?

Or a bagel butt? (Which is what my high school boyfriend’s mom called me while I was working at the Bagel Bin… for good reason.)

The natural thing to do is to develop a love-hate relationship with the food. Sure, you love food! De-LISH-ious dinners and desserts. Oh my.

But, you also hate that it’s keeping you chubby. Fattening food becomes the forbidden fruit (or, really, forbidden fettucini alfredo because who cares about fruit) and yet, also something you cannot avoid.

You have to eat. So, you try to “eat healthily.” Oh, the bland, boring world of health food and dieting…

• Diet Coke, diet Chick-Fil-A lemonade = not that bad
• Dry turkey sandwiches and egg white omlettes = not that satisfying
• All-spinach diet (since you heard that Audrey Hepburn ate only spinach) = incredibly difficult to actually do
• No pasta or chocolate or fries, EVER = sad, self-torture

Ultimately, you have two glasses of wine one night, clean your plate and find yourself raiding the fridge afterwards. It’s really frustrating, because you TRULY want to feel good in your body and be at a weight that is healthy and thin for you, but doing this [through the usual channels (self-discipline, dieting, extra-exercising)] has not lead to losing weight and keeping it of.

That’s because “usual channels” for weight loss are stupid.

The “usual channels” are a FAIL.

This means, fabulously, that there is nothing wrong with you — even when you overeat (more on that in a sec).

The usual channels for weight loss have not worked because they do not account for something you cannot escape: your human nature.

(more…)

Style Recess: Because you are a cool finder.

A client tipped me off to this aesthetically rich site that’s claiming to be a cool hunter, but seems to me it is more of a cool finder — which is why it made me think of you.

Being a cool finder yourself, you can be the judge of what is appealing and, well, cool, and what is a little too out there for you. I am partial to the architecture that’s been cool hunted.

So, go on! Dive in to the pop cultural deep end to give your analytical left brain a rest and get your creative right brain firing (weirdly, doing this will make your left brain more productive afterwards — score one for procrastination!).

• If nothing else, watch OK Go’s new video, which the site links to. It is pretty ridiculous.

Have fun on the style playground!

Tuesday Styles: Change your style, you change your life.

On Tuesdays, I talk about style. Because, seriously, it’s SUCH an accessible way for us to make significant improvement in our lives.

• By “significant improvements” I mean stuff like, you can feel happier, have good things happening and change your relationships all of it just by tinkering with with your forgotten little style nodule.

(And when I am talking about your “style“, I mean what you’re wearing, what your digs look like, how your work space is looking…)

It’s your style! It matters.

I said some things the other day. (I meant them.)

Not to be all Stacy on What Not to Wear,* but what you wear is an expression of who you are to other people and, MORE IMPORTANTLY, to yourself.

*because she’s kind of a bitch on that show

You may shave your head or have pink hair.

You may want to wear all black and put a duck on your shoulder. It all sends a message, to YOU and to the big, bodacious world.

Because how you express yourself (outwardly, through your style) is a microcosm of how you live and what you believe you deserve to have.

Kind of heavy, but, it’s true. So true!

It’s LIFE OR DEATH!

Well, not exactly that. (there’s no death)

• But you cannot change your life without changing your style, and vice versa.

Your style is a powerful metaphor for your life. In the words of ye old Martha Beck who studies (in her words — I love this) “how to cope, how to be happy and how to manifest your purpose” (and trained me to teach you how to do those things), and who also has a schmancy Harvard PhD in sociology :

Every time you make a choice about which objects you bring into your space, where to put them, or whether to remove them, you’re following psychological directives that also shape every other aspect of your life. If you feel overwhelmed by tasks and people, your home will be overcrowded with objects. If you care more about your children than about yourself, you’ll take better care of their space than you do of your own.  If you have a lot of secrets the physical manifestation of those secrets will be stowed — usually in a grubby, hidden or suffocating bundle — somewhere in your house.

Holy smokes, Dr. Martha. I feel like you’ve been to my house, and can read my mind.

But, Dr. M, why does changing my space — like, cleaning out the crap I have hidden behind my bedroom door, say – change my life?

It’s because of BUTTERFLIES.

OH!

Wait — huh?

No, wait — it’s because of the Butterfly Effect.

Huh?

You know, the Butterfly Effect, which you may know as a movie you didn’t bother seeing with Ashton Kutcher in it, but is actually a concept, based on a story written wayyyyy back in 1952 (which is why you’ve never read it).

A man goes back to the age of the dinosaurs, and steps on a butterfly. He returns to the future, and insects (not people) rule the modern world. This small change, extrapolated over eons, makes an enormous change.

If you start to pay attention, you’ll find that if you make a change to your style, or your living space, however small, it will send you down a slightly different path that you can’t see at first, but puts you in a VERY different place in the future.

Like an orange wall and a cactus.

I believe my decision not to marry this not-right-for-me person years ago is because I changed HIS living space (where I spent most of my time).

We were talking marriage and thinking dates.  Heavy.

Then, as a “fun surprise”, I painted one of his enormous walls bright orange and bought him a cactus while he was out one day (I’m a very fast painter).

With the apartment so happy, I could see, after about 3 months of the slightly different path, that we were… not. And, I picked up by bucket and paint brush and found a new wall to paint.

And that wall got me onto the slightly different path that leads to this career! (But that’s another story for another post.)

There’s also the awesome action component.

To make a small change, you have to take a small action. And that action is empowering — because that action is really what puts you on the new and better path.

And that new and better path changes your life. Which means, you just proved to yourself you can change your life with your actions.

Rock on.

And the change your patterns component.

If your space is different or you present yourself in a different way, it changes your patterns throughout the day, ever so slightly.

Your patterns shifting means they shift throughout your life… and who knows how many lives you touch with that!

The bottom line is that little tiny visual changes make big, lasting improvements in your existence. They feel good when you do them, they don’t take much effort at the time and you get to enjoy the fruits of a changed loom.

Um, life.

In the comments, please tell me:

– if you’ve every changed your home or style in any way that’s affected your life;

– did you see The Butterfly Effect, the movie, and was it like the book;

– something about your current style — good, bad or… edible. Or something.

Tuesday Styles #8: 10 ways to change your mood (by changing your look)

It’s Tuesday! And you’re here because you know that your style matters.

• We have a ritual of checking in with what we are wearing (and why), and what’s going on with our living and work digs because it tells us something about what’s going on with us –
• and, THEN, we can then feel better INSTANTLY by making some little changes to our wardrobe or our bedding or whatever.

Instant gratification! Hip hip hooray.

10 ways to change your mood by changing your LOOK.

You may be thinking, “Uh, I have a look??”

The answer is: yes, darling. You definitely have a look. And changing how you present yourself can make you feel good.

(more…)

Tuesday Styles #7: Total nothing burger edition.

What’s really interesting is what we aren’t wearing. Oh, it says just as much (more?) than what we are wearing.

And what we aren’t wearing tells us what we should be doing.

Funny bones.

There are skeletons and then there are skeletons. There’s “I Know What You Did Last Summer”-type skeletons, and then there are The Breakfast Club-type skeletons, which aren’t true skeletons at all.

These kinds of non-skeletons are what I’m talking about with your non-wearing clothes.

Tell me — which skeleton sounds like you??

Category, the first: The skeleton of who you were.

Public enemy #1 = clothes that used to fit.  But, they don’t anymore, and haven’t for a long time. And I mean “fit” like you’re either swimming in them, or you cannot fit one pant leg over your current biceps.

Public enemy #2 = worn-out clothes from 20 years ago. You’re not saving 45 faded college t-shirts for your grandkids.

Category, the second: Fantasy skeletons.

Phantom #1 = clothes that are savvy & bold. Because you would stand out among your dude-friends if you wore that man-bag or cardigan. But you still want to own that cardigan.

Phantom #2 = clothes for which there is no occasion.  You had to come up with a complete back story (if I ever am invited to the Governor’s Inauguration Ball) to justify buying it. And, of course, have not worn it. Pretty, pristine things that collect dust.

Category, the third: Siamese-twin skeletons.

Clone #1 = it’s all the same black shirt.  You buy something, and arrive home to find you’ve already bought that — but the better version. So, you keep the less cool version and just don’t really wear it.

Clone #2 = social uniforms. You end up with clothes in your closet that look like the things the people around you at work/school/the kabbalah center wear, but you never actually wear that stuff.

Not being a total nothing burger means finding answers.

Where do the things you’re not wearing fit? I, for one, pulled all of the above from personal experience, so fitting into any of the above means fitting in with me.

It’s glorrrrrrrious to peer into our dark, musty closets and see the skeletons — and even more glorious to pull the skeletons out.

Because seeing what we’re not wearing in the cleansing light of day means knowing what we should be doing.

Feeling Category, the first?  Releasing bones of the past: Learn to let go, like yourself for all of the great things that you are now, and be open to finding out who you are today. It’s okay to be different now – it’s actually perfect for you that you’re different now than you used to be.

You get to meet yourself where you are, and lean into who the person you are today wants to be (because it isn’t actually to be exactly who you once were – there’s no un-ringing the bell).

Feeling Category, the second? Facing your fantasy bones: Grow into your real identity and make your back stories happen — what’s the worst thing that could happen if you took risks and presented yourself for who you actually are?  Failure & rejection?  Maybe, but trying and failing often is how we learn, and rejection is part of finding our right people. And finding your right people is part of finding you.

And it’s worth finding you.  Because you are the secret ingredient.

Get clear on why the dream is magnetic for you (Governor’s Ball = I want people to recognize I’m important, perhaps) and decide if the desire reflects something that will make you whole, or something that your hungry ghost is after.

Feeling Category, the third? Dividing duplicity bones:

What are you really yearning for when you go buy that same thing? Avoiding the real stuff that’s going on with you only means the wound festers. Don’t lose an arm by buying the same damn shirt.

And if you social uniform it up, on some level, desire to conform with your environment. But, you’re of two minds, and so — you don’t follow through.

(1) Why does a piece of you want to bend out of shape to fit in? (maybe you want to feel accepted; maybe you’re scared of confrontation)

(2) Why are you spending time around people who dress similar to each other, but you don’t dress the way they do? (maybe you like being the different one; maybe you need to let go of friends you’ve out grown)

Action plans & the Mormons.

The Mormon muffins shouldn’t have all of the fun.

Look at what’s in the closet and see what it’s telling you. Now, you know what to do next to be you the you way of doing it.

Take what I’m saying with a grain of salt — if it resonates, it’s probably the truth. If not, then throw me a bone and tell me so in the comments (ha. ha.).

Tuesday Styles #6: Thursday, whip it good edition

Important Note: Do not be alarmed, it is not actually Tuesday. In most places, it’s Thursday. For the Kiwis, it’s Friday (hi, Louise!).

This Tuesday, I was still needing to tell you about meeting yourself where you are, and just plum forgot about style, and how we talk about it on Tuesdays as one of our Aquaducts.

But I’m going to hit you with a lil’ style on Thursday, to keep coming here to my b to the l-o-g fresh and clean — 80’s rap style. Hotel, motel.

And since it’s Tuesday on Thursday (or Friday), and also apparently the 80’s, we’re going to whip it. Whip it good.

Crack that whip.

You’re doing one of two things with your clothing today: You are:

1. Expressing yourself, or
2. Hiding yourself.

Well, really one of three things. I’m adding a (c) option:

(c) You think you just put on clothes, and either don’t know or don’t care how to dress to express.*

*Filthy lies.

I would say that there is no right answer, but that’s not what I really think.

Really, #1 is the best answer.

#2 and (c) tie for second place. Also known as first losers.

Give the past a slip.

I am guessing you’ve fallen into #2 a couple of times… or, every day.

If you wear the same pair of pants more than a couple of times per week, and some of your clothing is from you, the teen years, you may be be a hide-yourself-in-your-clothes person.

You may just love love love those pants, I’ll trust your judgment here.

But for the baggy clothes wearing, same three outfits flaunting rest of us, we need to ask: What am I hiding from?

• Don’t like my body
• Don’t want to be noticed
• I just want to feel comfortable (not buying it)

It’s totally okay to feel this way – I’ve been there, and I’m cool if you’re there right now. We are so alike this way!

The youifying work here is to play with expressing yourself in your clothing choices, and see how that feels, and then getting to the bottom of why your burlap sack-dress became your ‘09 uniform.

Because it wasn’t for comfort.

But speaking of comfort, if you think you’re #3, I would like to suggest that you’re really #2.  Or a combo of #2 and being a little disconnected from yourself.

Which is totally okay, too. It’s a great opportunity to reconnect — and to use fancy pants to get there.

Which is what being successful is all about.

You must whip it.

I tell you what, #1 can be kind of freaky at first. Because, what if someone thinks I look dumb? And what if I don’t fit in?

And people might make, you know, comments. UGH.

I’m going to suggest that the top derisive comment-makers may be more than a little bit jeal that you’re not wearing the same cardboard cutouts that he/she is wearing.

Because making fun of you for wearing something that you are rocking because it feels youifying is super lame. That person is a Lamerson.

Tell Lamerson that you have a permission slip – nay, a commandment slip – from your youifying style expert, or you personal attorney. Because I’m all of these, and sometimes the word “attorney” shuts people up.

Whip it good.

Soooo, how do I do #1?

Excellent question. Here’s how this is going to go down:

• The next time you and I get dressed, let’s be spontaneous…
• Pick one item (top, pants, whatev) that seems kind of fun.
• Don’t think too much here

And, that’s it! The less you think about it, the better.

Go crazy with it. What is the worst thing that can happen? Some little biddies notice your hot pants?

This is all par for the being-an-original-person course. You and I can either let little biddies functionally run our lives by imagining their criticisms and living to avoid the sharp tongues, or we can be ourselves. And be very happy.

You can remember that I’m pretty sure this personal critique happens to me on a near-daily basis. I consider it a failure when no one makes a comment – good or bad – on something I wear. I’m not joking.

And what’s wild is that the more I express myself in what I wear, the more I hear buzzes about me having good “style” which is just funny. And, kinda cool.

So get out there and whip it. Whip it good.