February 16th, 2010
It’s Tuesday! And you’re here because you know that your style matters.
- We have a ritual of checking in with what we are wearing (and why), and what’s going on with our living and work digs because it tells us something about what’s going on with us –
- and, THEN, we can then feel better INSTANTLY by making some little changes to our wardrobe or our bedding or whatever.
Instant gratification! Hip hip hooray.
10 ways to change your mood by changing your LOOK.
You may be thinking, “Uh, I have a look??”
The answer is: yes, darling. You definitely have a look. And changing how you present yourself can make you feel good.
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November 17th, 2009
What’s really interesting is what we aren’t wearing. Oh, it says just as much (more?) than what we are wearing.
And what we aren’t wearing tells us what we should be doing.
Funny bones.
There are skeletons and then there are skeletons. There’s “I Know What You Did Last Summer”-type skeletons, and then there are The Breakfast Club-type skeletons, which aren’t true skeletons at all.
These kinds of non-skeletons are what I’m talking about with your non-wearing clothes.
Tell me — which skeleton sounds like you??
Category, the first: The skeleton of who you were.
Public enemy #1 = clothes that used to fit. But, they don’t anymore, and haven’t for a long time. And I mean “fit” like you’re either swimming in them, or you cannot fit one pant leg over your current biceps.
Public enemy #2 = worn-out clothes from 20 years ago. You’re not saving 45 faded college t-shirts for your grandkids.
Category, the second: Fantasy skeletons.
Phantom #1 = clothes that are savvy & bold. Because you would stand out among your dude-friends if you wore that man-bag or cardigan. But you still want to own that cardigan.
Phantom #2 = clothes for which there is no occasion. You had to come up with a complete back story (if I ever am invited to the Governor’s Inauguration Ball) to justify buying it. And, of course, have not worn it. Pretty, pristine things that collect dust.
Category, the third: Siamese-twin skeletons.
Clone #1 = it’s all the same black shirt. You buy something, and arrive home to find you’ve already bought that — but the better version. So, you keep the less cool version and just don’t really wear it.
Clone #2 = social uniforms. You end up with clothes in your closet that look like the things the people around you at work/school/the kabbalah center wear, but you never actually wear that stuff.
Not being a total nothing burger means finding answers.
Where do the things you’re not wearing fit? I, for one, pulled all of the above from personal experience, so fitting into any of the above means fitting in with me.
It’s glorrrrrrrious to peer into our dark, musty closets and see the skeletons — and even more glorious to pull the skeletons out.
Because seeing what we’re not wearing in the cleansing light of day means knowing what we should be doing.
Feeling Category, the first? Releasing bones of the past: Learn to let go, like yourself for all of the great things that you are now, and be open to finding out who you are today. It’s okay to be different now – it’s actually perfect for you that you’re different now than you used to be.
You get to meet yourself where you are, and lean into who the person you are today wants to be (because it isn’t actually to be exactly who you once were – there’s no un-ringing the bell).
Feeling Category, the second? Facing your fantasy bones: Grow into your real identity and make your back stories happen — what’s the worst thing that could happen if you took risks and presented yourself for who you actually are? Failure & rejection? Maybe, but trying and failing often is how we learn, and rejection is part of finding our right people. And finding your right people is part of finding you.
And it’s worth finding you. Because you are the secret ingredient.
Get clear on why the dream is magnetic for you (Governor’s Ball = I want people to recognize I’m important, perhaps) and decide if the desire reflects something that will make you whole, or something that your hungry ghost is after.
Feeling Category, the third? Dividing duplicity bones:
What are you really yearning for when you go buy that same thing? Avoiding the real stuff that’s going on with you only means the wound festers. Don’t lose an arm by buying the same damn shirt.
And if you social uniform it up, on some level, desire to conform with your environment. But, you’re of two minds, and so — you don’t follow through.
(1) Why does a piece of you want to bend out of shape to fit in? (maybe you want to feel accepted; maybe you’re scared of confrontation)
(2) Why are you spending time around people who dress similar to each other, but you don’t dress the way they do? (maybe you like being the different one; maybe you need to let go of friends you’ve out grown)
Action plans & the Mormons.
The Mormon muffins shouldn’t have all of the fun.
Look at what’s in the closet and see what it’s telling you. Now, you know what to do next to be you the you way of doing it.
Take what I’m saying with a grain of salt — if it resonates, it’s probably the truth. If not, then throw me a bone and tell me so in the comments (ha. ha.).
November 12th, 2009
Important Note: Do not be alarmed, it is not actually Tuesday. In most places, it’s Thursday. For the Kiwis, it’s Friday (hi, Louise!).
This Tuesday, I was still needing to tell you about meeting yourself where you are, and just plum forgot about style, and how we talk about it on Tuesdays as one of our Aquaducts.
But I’m going to hit you with a lil’ style on Thursday, to keep coming here to my b to the l-o-g fresh and clean — 80′s rap style. Hotel, motel.
And since it’s Tuesday on Thursday (or Friday), and also apparently the 80′s, we’re going to whip it. Whip it good.
Crack that whip.
You’re doing one of two things with your clothing today: You are:
- Expressing yourself, or
- Hiding yourself.
Well, really one of three things. I’m adding a (c) option:
(c) You think you just put on clothes, and either don’t know or don’t care how to dress to express.*
*Filthy lies.
I would say that there is no right answer, but that’s not what I really think.
Really, #1 is the best answer.
#2 and (c) tie for second place. Also known as first losers.
Give the past a slip.
I am guessing you’ve fallen into #2 a couple of times… or, every day.
If you wear the same pair of pants more than a couple of times per week, and some of your clothing is from you, the teen years, you may be be a hide-yourself-in-your-clothes person.
You may just love love love those pants, I’ll trust your judgment here.
But for the baggy clothes wearing, same three outfits flaunting rest of us, we need to ask: What am I hiding from?
- Don’t like my body
- Don’t want to be noticed
- I just want to feel comfortable (not buying it)
It’s totally okay to feel this way – I’ve been there, and I’m cool if you’re there right now. We are so alike this way!
The youifying work here is to play with expressing yourself in your clothing choices, and see how that feels, and then getting to the bottom of why your burlap sack-dress became your ’09 uniform.
Because it wasn’t for comfort.
But speaking of comfort, if you think you’re #3, I would like to suggest that you’re really #2. Or a combo of #2 and being a little disconnected from yourself.
Which is totally okay, too. It’s a great opportunity to reconnect — and to use fancy pants to get there.
Which is what being successful is all about.
You must whip it.
I tell you what, #1 can be kind of freaky at first. Because, what if someone thinks I look dumb? And what if I don’t fit in?
And people might make, you know, comments. UGH.
I’m going to suggest that the top derisive comment-makers may be more than a little bit jeal that you’re not wearing the same cardboard cutouts that he/she is wearing.
Because making fun of you for wearing something that you are rocking because it feels youifying is super lame. That person is a Lamerson.
Tell Lamerson that you have a permission slip – nay, a commandment slip – from your youifying style expert, or you personal attorney. Because I’m all of these, and sometimes the word “attorney” shuts people up.
Whip it good.
Soooo, how do I do #1?
Excellent question. Here’s how this is going to go down:
- The next time you and I get dressed, let’s be spontaneous…
- Pick one item (top, pants, whatev) that seems kind of fun.
- Don’t think too much here
And, that’s it! The less you think about it, the better.
Go crazy with it. What is the worst thing that can happen? Some little biddies notice your hot pants?
This is all par for the being-an-original-person course. You and I can either let little biddies functionally run our lives by imagining their criticisms and living to avoid the sharp tongues, or we can be ourselves. And be very happy.
You can remember that I’m pretty sure this personal critique happens to me on a near-daily basis. I consider it a failure when no one makes a comment – good or bad – on something I wear. I’m not joking.
And what’s wild is that the more I express myself in what I wear, the more I hear buzzes about me having good “style” which is just funny. And, kinda cool.
So get out there and whip it. Whip it good.
November 3rd, 2009
I’m all about last week’s Tuesday Styles. It was powerful (for me and my stuff, that’s for sure).
(We talked about having a new standard for the things we let hang around our physical space: Does this bring joy into my life?)
Just imagine: If each time you got dressed you get to be surrounded by only good, high value-to-you things. And, there would be good stuff all day long, too.
And I’m not just talking about your clothes anymore.
SNAFU!
But here’s the problem I’m currently experiencing…
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October 27th, 2009
If you’re new here, welcome! On Tuesdays, we use the clothes we choose to wear and the way you set up our digs as a tool to:
- continuously reconnect with who we really are — and being fully who we are is how to rock that that thing we do, out there, in the world, and
- check out what’s really going on in our world – the outside reflects the inside.
Let’s Have Higher (highest!) Standards Edition
It’s the change of seasons where I live, which is a very good reevaluating time for life. I feel natural about cleaning out the clutter during this time of year.
This cleaning out the clutter, of course, includes my closet, which – truth be told! – is actually kind of a disaster… I think we can all read something into that…
And I move a lot, so I’m kind of surprised to look into my closet this morning and see so much freaking stuff. Last spring, I Goodwilled nearly 7 trash bags full of clothing.
Usually, I clean out my closet based on “does this fit me well” or “do I even wear this“, because, in my belief system, clothes deserve to be worn. If I’m not wearing it, I’m giving it to someone who will love it like it’s their signature item.
Have some respect for your clothes, man.
But this year, I’m going off the reservation. I’ve got another, higher standard that feels really right to me. It could be really cool for you, too.
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October 20th, 2009
I read an amazing post that inspired this week’s Tuesday’s Styles.
But first, a reminder: we check in on how we present ourselves and our surrounding environment each Tuesday because getting dressed in the morning and your living/working space are convenient means for youifying your life and work.
Yesterday, I talked about the biggest obstacles to believing you can leave a job that is all wrong for you: fear & doubt.
Join me in owning up to it and get a handle on it on a daily basis. AND! While we work that angle, consider what you want. What do you want your life to look like? What do you want the content of your work to be? Narrowing what you want is the most powerful tool for change.
Here’s where Tuesday Styles comes into play… some of you are thinking – I don’t really know what I want. That’s okay.
That’s why we are doing this, sitting down every Tuesday, and reconnecting by forging your style for who you really are.
My case-in-point? Read below…
Brocades, Silks & Velvets
Before you read this entire post, do this: look into your wardrobe, five years from today. What do you see? Write down your answer.
My answer:
- I see quality everywhere – well-made, lovely and comfortable boots, elegant shoes that look like works of art and fit like gloves.
- I see scarves and blouses gathered throughout my travels as reminders of places where I’ve made lasting memories and of the cultures that really speak to me.
- I see coats of durable fabrics and grow more beautiful with more wears.
- I see dresses and slacks that fit me, I don’t try to fit into them.
Think of what you see. What is in that closet? How does it make you feel?
One woman looked in and saw the real Emma.
A beautiful and touching post, Emma addresses the external transformation that accompanies any internal overhaul. Her identity has – it is – blossoming and growing. She’s a beautiful individual striking out on her own authentic path. I find that journey magnetic.
When you wake up to see that what you wear represents the person you once were, but no longer are, it’s a very good day. It’s time to dress for the you that is now.
You can push it further than that, though: Look into your closet five years from now, and notice what you see. You can dress now as the person you will grow to be in 5 years’ time. And, ironically, you’ll be helping yourself get there sooner.
Because that’s the closet you’re meant for today.
October 12th, 2009
Your style is one of the most accessible tools for reconnecting to yourself because you must interface with this daily…
… and since reconnecting to yourself is something you simply have to do if you want to uncover work you love and make that your full-time job…
… you can play with your style from this reconnection angle, PLUS enjoy a lovely byproduct of having the right clothes and home & work space that reflects your totally perfect, absolutely unique preferences.
Oooo. FUN.
As an aside, here is something I’ve been thinking on lately:
- No online test, expert or authority figure can divine the specific work that fits your abilities, preferences and YOU — and, if they try to, stop listening to them.
- Other people can give you tools for figuring this out, share their personal experience, and make suggestions for you’re situation that are clearly framed with “tell me where this suggestion sounds wrong”.
No one, but no one, knows your style, your right work or right life but YOU. Trust YOU above all things.
So, under the umbrella of “tools for figuring this out”, I offer this week’s Tuesday Styles.
Tuesday Styles: Coming Out of the Closet Edition
No, I’m not trying to tell you that (but, yes, I am Laurie Gay).
Here’s what I want us to do today: let’s put on our thinking caps and pan through our worldly possessions that we wear/carry as clothes and accessories – asking ourselves one question…
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