You’ve been laid off.

One of the benefits this bestows is TIME.

TIME to transform yourself from miserable to happy, to release your old ideas that are keeping you numb or downtrodden, and to uncover a career or job that (1) is RIGHT for you and (2) viable today.

Here is the 4th STEP to get you there…

Step 4: RELEASE CONTROL OVER OUTCOME. 

The best way to be the most popular kid at school is to think nothing of your popularity. And the way to earn the nickname “Wizard” for magically appearing to social gatherings uninvited is to desperately want to be accepted and liked. 

The best way to be in the most demand with the opposite sex is to not care whether or not you are asked out.  If you want to be dead in the dating water, feel like you urgently need and MUST go out with someone, anyone.

The surest way to have people respond to your emails about potential jobs is to be okay if they don’t write you back.  Or you could make it clear that you would do anything to be considered and are desperate for the position and then you could feel confident that you would never hear from them, ever.

What’s the deal with releasing your focus on outcome? It might sound counter-intuitive to mentally coach yourself into being okay with getting a job or not getting a job, but it’s true and proves itself time and time again.

It’s that whole energy thingy- we humans can take a cue from the animal world every time when it comes to understanding how your energy affects your surroundings and creates your reality.  Basically, your “energy” as perceived by other humans and animals is the frequency of the emotions in your body – positive feeling emotions have a higher frequency and negative feeling emotions have a lower frequency.  Creepy people thinking sinister thoughts give off gross energy and you pick up on it when you’re listening to your body.  Animals “sense” a predator – the gazelle at a watering hole will freeze because of the energy she is picking up, she doesn’t actually see anything. If she saw something, she’d be running at turbo speed already.  Ultimately, she gets out of there if the energy she is picking up does not subside.

People are just like animals this way: work on your energy by working on your thinking about outcome. The more reasons you can come up with that either outcome could be good (this is true, by the way, that either outcome could be good – so you can definitely find reasons) when applying for a job, or asking someone out, the more likely you are that the wishbone breaks your way every time.

In other words, know what you want (see step 3), but be open to change as you make your way in the world. 

PRACTICAL EXAMPLE: When you loose your job as an associate at a law firm and can no longer grind up the corporate ladder, find reasons that this really could be a good thing and KEEP THINKING UNTIL YOU FIND REASONS YOU BELIEVE.  Then, be open to whatever job or career that opens up to you that you find attractive – and be ok with the ones that don’t.  

You may speak to some headhunters or other connectors and find yourself working free lance as a contract attorney - great!  Now you have time to exercise, take trips, see your friends (or make friends – at last!), or maybe this contract work provides you with the time to do the work to figure out your next career move and still be earning some income. 

Your outcome may be that you still want to be a partner at a law firm, and you’ve not closed off that option, but consider relaxing your death grip on that dream. While I can think of 3 partners I know that worked as contract attorneys at one point, I can also think of a few that have confided in me that they know this is not the happiest they could have been with a job.  Others live in anxiety because of the onus of bringing in business that is dwindling. Maybe you’ll make partner, maybe you won’t — and if you are open to another outcome, you’ll find that the unplanned outcome is always so much better than what you THOUGHT would be a happy ending.

There is knack to releasing control over outcome, start practicing with your dog by being cool if he comes to say hi, or decides to lie in the corner… if you are doing this with 100% of yourself, the dog comes! I swear! It’s like dog whispering.  PS: Works with cats, too. My dad hates them and never notices their presence and they LOVE this, his indifference is the ultimate cat magnet.

Does it really matter if you end up as a partner (staying in the example above) or going in-house at a start up IP investment firm if you’re really happy?  Convincing yourself that only one outcome will bring you joy is a lie.  You cannot tell the future or know without a doubt how life would’ve been at that other job or if you’d stayed on at your firm or if you’d invested your money differently.   

The truth is, the outcome that will bring you the most joy is the one that happened.

CONCLUSION! If you are enjoying the work you do, and not attached to one particular outcome, you have succeeded in leading your own wonderful experience in the world. 

And THAT is what it’s all about! 

Next and final step # 5 is next at bat.

If you liked this post, take a look at these posts.

1. Five-Step Plan for Your Laid Off Life: Step 5
2. Five Step Plan to Your Laid Off Life: Step 2! Check Those Boundaries
3. Five-Step Plan for Your Laid-Off Life: STEP 1 – Fear, Be Gone!