Sucky yoga.

It’s the evil petting zoo version of [capital] Yoga.

I am currently engaged in a Sucky Yoga Bootcamp — except, when it was advertised, the Sucky was silent, so I thought I was signing up for a Yoga Bootcamp (really a {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp masquerading as Yoga Bootcamp).

Sure, it would be at 6 a.m. on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for 8 weeks. Sure, it’s 15-20 minutes from where I live. These parts were not left silent.

It was also not cheap, and with the price tag and the above-mentioned obstacles, I’m expecting this {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp to deliver.

You know, de-liver. Like, be challenging! Enlightening! Very attuned to form and everything else I’ve ever wanted yoga to be.

Possibly, unrealistic. Whatever.

Because instead of being the ultimate yoga challenge of the century!, it’s kind of a suckfest. Suck-a-thon. It’s suck-tastic.

The guy teaching is, like, okay.  As a human being, we probably wouldn’t hang out. That’s cool though, that’s just part of me knowing who my Right People are (which is a good thing to know) and who my Right People are definitely not.

What truthfully bothers me is that it’s all just SO DAMN SLOW. He talks slow, we stop and like, hang out, in between poses, which also slows things way, way down until we slooooowly get into another pose.

I even like slow (a.k.a., “restorative“) yoga. I like it a lot.

But this is like yoga for the elderly who also have ADHD, and aren’t able to study one thing for very long, so attention is all jerky and distracted AND are also creaky and cannot be that distracted very quickly. Creeping, but all over the place.

Also: stop telling me what to do, guy. My body doesn’t like it when I do something called the butterfly or whatever it is you just said. Ouch-in-the-spine (always bad, duh).

And I’ve pulled my back (or pinched a nerve, who freaking knows, but it’s annoying). So, I really can only do some stuff and cannot do other, twisty stuff. (Yes, I know who you’re talking to when you repeat to twist more deeply 4 extra times.)

There’s also this dude who releases, um, bodily noises (so gross, sorry to put that on you) throughout the class at an alarming frequency. And he doesn’t really look that clean.

Sick.

I sort of hate you, {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp! Blah!

Early morning, long-ish drive, 90 minutes of movement suited for ADHD octogenarians and a disgusting side show.

And I’m pretty sure that I bring everyone in the class down with me in my negative tornado of loathing.

Reportedly, there was a “grim vibe” in class today.

That would be me. I would be the Grim Vibe in class.

Yoo hoo! It’s just me, Grim Vibe Gay.

And, here’s the most surprising part.

Clearly, I have grown to hate this class.

But what is sooo interesting is how much better I feel afterwards. Even this yoga makes me feel peaceful, more open and more creative.

Can you believe that? Clearly, after reading my ranting, you can appreciate how much I don’t like this {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp.

And even when Grim Vibe Gay has villianously ruined it, for everyone else!

The fact that I still get something out of this tells me a couple of things that can go in my Book of Me (see tomorrow’s post).

(Book of Me, briefly for now, keeps track on stuff that works for me, doesn’t work for me and things in the “other” category of me.)

Things like:

• First, it tells me that even when the sucky is silent in self-care stuff, like yoga, it’s still worth doing. So, do it even if I have reservations.

That is good to know because there are times when I know a class will be s0-so, it’s not paid for like this {Sucky} Bootcamp and so, I don’t go. Really, going is better than not going.

• It tells me that I’m turning someone who is not my Right Person into an enemy.

This is not a useful habit. Really, it’s totally fine for anyone to not be one of my Right People. Super fine! No big deal! That’s part of finding all of my Right People (hello there, Right Person!).

But instead, I am not respecting his Him-ness. He gets to be as slow and herky-jerkified as he wants to be. It is his class, and just because he does that doesn’t mean I have to do that, too.

Because, I am the boss of me. Just ask my big sister. She’s been told that a lot.

Not in an aggressive, power-suit way, but in a Epsolom the catepillar from Alice in Wonderland kind of way. It just is.

It’s a knowing power, a deep and peaceful fact that I’m in charge of what my body does or doesn’t do and it’s fine for Other People not to be on board with that. They don’t have to agree with my worldview on this or anything else.

• I am allowed to not want to hang out with all people.

The person who happens to guide me in stuff (life stuff, work stuff, yoga stuff) is important to my experience of the process. It’s okay to be choosy. I can be as choosy as I want to me.

• Grim Vibe Gay is bringing people down.

It is worth it to find a way to have my own experience of a class that is not how I would like the class to be so that I’m not ruining it for everyone else, whose experience matters just as much to them as mine does to me.

For whatever reason, my energy affects theirs’ (maybe true for all people?) and it would be loving to them to work on myself here so that they can have their own experience, and not GVG’s.

Stuff I can do about this {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp experience.

I could stop going.

I could go, stay in the back, and do my own thing when I would like to.

I could remember my Book of Me’s, and let this time be a clearing out of crappy moods and an opportunity to learn different boundaries between me and this yoga guy.

Because, really, this is all about my relationship with Other People. It’s all about where my business stops (my business, which is where I belong and feel happiest), and Other People’s business begins (which I don’t belong in and breeds anxiety for me).

It can be a lesson in how I relate to Other People, where I have patterns of thinking and action that don’t serve me well. I think {Sucky} Yoga Bootcamp is that whether I want it to be or not.

Well, if I stop going, it won’t have to be a teacher in Life School. And I can quit going if I feel that’s the best path for me.

Maybe I will go. Maybe I won’t go.

But, I do commit to watching this pattern with Other People who are not my Right People generally. It’s bound to come up again.

And learning to stay in my business and letting them run their business however they want, out of kindness for myself and not frustration with them (who knows where they come from! They could drink from toilets, for all we know.)

In the comments, I’d like:

• Anything! That is not advice (or admonishment for GVG)
• Also, thoughts on you and Other People
• Places where Other People get to you

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