Blurgh! I suck.

You know when you feel like crapola because you feel you are screwing it all up at your job or with your special friend or with your kiddos (or whatever)?

OR, maybe you’re just THINKING about yourself, generally… and feeling all kinds of inadequate, in ALL kinds of ways.

And sometimes, you don’t even know why you feel kind of not good enough.

This experience is your friendly, neighborhood Inferiority Complex.

This experience that you and I know and loathe is actually an archetypal phenomenon (as old as time).

Historical figures (I’m talking Lincoln — as in Abe) have struggled for half of their lifetimes feeling inferior… before ultimately working through it (and witnessing gargantuan successes, like a presidency).

And, let’s be honest — it feels awful. It feels so real! And overwhelming, and debilitating.

Here’s what’s going down: You are comparing yourself to one of two things (or both):

(1) some IDEAL version of yourself that you think you are not, and/or

(2) another person (or, really, the way you are perceiving another person… ain’t nobody perfect).

And you feel like you’re just not stacking up. You’re not doing or being the stuff that you feel like you should do or be.

Let’s just go through how to deal with it so you can to feel better, function normally and be all good again — every time.

And, just to be clear, I’ve felt this way, too. Basically, everyone I’ve ever worked with has one of these little Inferiority Complex beauties to tame. This stuff has worked for us — it’ll help you out, too.

Stuff To Convert the Complex into

(1) Accept Yourself. Easier said than done, right? Right. Here are some ways to actually do that.

Think of how you feel you’re not good enough. Do you feel un-pretty? Now, just assume that this “weakness” is true… how have you had to compensate in your life because of this inadequacy? Are you HI-larious, and smart as a whip because your looks were not opening any doors? Do you think you’re unathletic? So, have you aced your studies or become a computer whiz BECAUSE of that? Our weakest places are where we’ve grown strongest. Don’t stop thinking of yours until you identify how your perceived weaknesses have created your biggest strengths.

Name what you do in an extraordinary manner. A supermodel would be a terrible sumo wrestler. The best German orator would be the world’s worst English teacher. Identify 10 things that you are the best at (no matter whether you find these important at all). In the words of Martha Beck, just like there is no best stick (to roast marshmellows? hike? poke a weasel?), there is no “best” person. How are you unique?

(2) Find a Bigger Purpose. Is the point of you being on this planet to be better than other people at stuff? I would hazard to guess not. I am (currently) on this planet to relieve unnecessary suffering in your life. Finding a purpose bigger than your physical being and dedicating your work to that purpose is a way to lose your inferiority complex, permanently.

If I’m here to help the homeless, or support creative writers to do their best work, or work with animals, who cares if I’m shorter than Gary Coleman?

(3) Name the person you are “not as good as” and then list all of the things you two have in common. This technique works the best out of the three for me, personally. As you do this, keep in mind that everyone has the capacity for the same human emotions. While someone seems happy today, they still have the capacity to experience loss, sorry, anger and shame that the rest of us do.

(This is an exercise that is derived from something that the ever-awesome Havi does (you should hang out with me on her blog).)

Write down the person who is so much better at, say, slaying dragons than you are, and then write down one of your weakness. It will look like this:

Laurie, the Lamerson: I feel insecure sometimes.

[insert dragon tamer... example: Sister Mary Clarence]: Surely she feels insecure sometimes.

Laurie, the Lamerson: I am female.

Sister Mary Clarence: She is female.

Laurie, the Lamerson: I like lively, gospel music.

Sister Mary Clarence: She definitely likes gospel music.

Laurie, the Lamerson: I wear a lot of skirts.

Sister Mary Clarence: She only wears skirts.

Laurie, not-feeling-so Lamerson: I make friends easily.

Sister Mary Clarence: She makes friends easily… like a whole crew of nuns! And, I think, some kids that hang out with the nuns, too (I don’t totally remember the movie… it’s been a while).

**********************************************

See? We have stuff in common with the most random of fictitious persons. You can connect yourself into equality with just about anyone this way, because on some level, we are all connected as humans.

It doesn’t always FEEL that way, but whenever you’re feeling the “I SUCK” creeping in, you can remind yourself that you’re more like Mother Superior than you first suspect.

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