What a great story.  

My friend’s career story (names changed, of course) is so awesome because it shows how logic alone is not sufficient for choosing your career. 

It shows how often it takes ungodly amounts of suffering to be motivated to make the necessary changes. 

And it teaches that taking incremental moves may be the only way for some people to know what those necessary steps are. 

You will see that you are not alone, and you may find hope and practical advice for sorting through your own work struggle. You may find that making your own changes to a better career is irresistible, inevitable and unstoppable once you read this story…

Read at your own risk! 

 

One Person’s Journey

INCOMPLETE CRITERIA

After years of hard work at college, Deborah was accepted at an ivy league law school during the spring of her senior year.  All those hours in the dark stacks of the library paid off!

She had always wanted to go to grad school. Law school was a logical choice since there was a viable job at the end of it – unlike getting a master’s degree in political science, an idea she had once entertained. Political science was her major and she loved almost all of her classes. But, Deborah decided during her sophomore year at the ripe old age of 19 that a master’s degree in political science was not as practical or lucrative as a law degree would be. 

It did not occur to her to account for her natural interests and energy. Or whether a lawyer’s day met her natural preferences for work environment.  She reasoned that she could work at any law firm in the country if she got into the right school and did very well. 

She felt so proud when she told her friends where she was going to school, even if she didn’t really know what law school would be like.

THE GRIND

Deborah started law school the next fall and worked very hard in to be in the top 25% of her class. 

Only the top 25% are eligible to even interview at the top 10 New York-based law firms. 

She studied long hours and worried incessantly about the 3-hour long exams at the end of the semester, which were the only grades the students received for the class and seemed to determine her future.  After a lot of anxiety and the dictator-like discipline required to study subjects she usually found pretty tedious, Deborah made it to the top 25% of her class with a 3.7 GPA.

Her favorite firm offered her a summer associate position which turned into a permanent offer upon graduating from law school.  She spent the summer after graduation studying for the New York bar, somehow an even more miserable experience than the first year of law school.    

CAN’T BEAT THE FIRM

Deborah started at her firm in its corporate department.  She felt excited to finally “make it” after all of those years of school!  She knew work would be challenging, but surely she would enjoy it more than law school and studying.  She worked very hard to gain the approval of her superiors and to be seen as a good associate.  She never said “no” when the staffing partner called with another deal, because surely everyone else was working as hard as she did, and surely he wouldn’t call unless she was the associate with the most availability to do this work. 

Her first year was very rough.  She spent many nights in the office without going home to shower before the next day began.  She pushed the limits of her body purely with the hours she spent in the office.  The firm offered very minimal training, and law school had not covered practical issues like contract provisions. She knew first year associates worked hard, and after this year, things would be easier.  

Her boyfriend, Douglas, was patient because he was an associate at an investment bank and understood that life as a junior associate at a law firm was all-consuming.  He explained this to his family and friends when she cancelled plans. 

Deborah spent 4 more years missing about half of all holidays and vacations.  She missed almost all plans with friends on the weekends.  The years, while endured more than lived, actually slipped by very quickly as she kept her head down and worked.

Partners liked her and spoke to her openly about the associates who inconvenienced them by not responding to emails immediately on nights and weekends or by leaving the office at night to work from home.  

Austin, a partner that had become her mentor, was actually much more understanding about associates’ desires for some semblance of a life outside of work and encouraged Deborah to spend more time with Douglas and get more sleep. Austin went home each night to his family and finished work after his kids went to bed and really liked what he did for a living, even though the lifestyle was sometimes not ideal.

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED 

During her 5^th year as an associate, Deborah married Douglas.  Deborah once believed that the hard work and out-of-control schedule would subside once she grew more senior.  The relief from work never came.

Now, the hours only grew in number as Deborah held the primary responsibility for deals.  Associates frequently left – usually to other legal jobs that paid a lot less money.  Her salary increased by $15,000 each year, which went very far in paying off her student loans.  She was not happy, but couldn’t reason how switching firms or starting an in-house legal position would differ enough from her current job.  Deborah would still be practicing the law, which she found pretty tedious and seemingly never ending, and all she would get for a lot less money was a few more hours of sleep some nights.

LIFE CHANGES 

Deborah and Douglas decided to start a family and Deborah had a baby girl during her 6^th year at the firm.  Oh how she looked forward to her 3-month maternity leave every day of her pregnancy!  During maternity leave, Austin, her mentor, called to say he was leaving to become the general counsel of a large client.  He invited her to come with him. 

She knew Austin liked practicing law and the lifestyle of a general counsel permitted much more regular hours and free time.  This made Austin’s career, which he had always enjoyed on several levels, even more enjoyable for him.  Deborah knew Austin’s departure was not good for her career at the firm and chances of making partner, but she realized at that moment that she did not want to make partner.  Honestly, almost all of the partners worked nearly as hard as the associates.  They seemed to have acclimated to being on the job 100% of their waking hours.  Many even  seemed restless during economic downturns when work ebbed. 

Yet, she did not want to make her bones again in a new legal position– the hours would be better at the insurance company, but she would have to relearn office politics and hustle to make a good first impression. 

She felt so, so tired.  At least she had a good reputation at the firm, and having to care for your baby could be great leverage to take on fewer deals and get home at a decent hour.

CHICKENS COME HOME TO ROOSET 

Oh, to have a 5-month old baby, two nannies and a 7^th year associate’s responsibilities.  Deborah didn’t have any time to herself whatsoever.  Sometimes she ran for 20 minutes in the gym in her apartment building before work, but that was her only personal time.  She felt guilty leaving at 7:30 to put the baby to bed and let the second nanny go home, and usually it was Douglas who got home first.  His hedge fund was more flexible about face time in the office. 

She felt guilty that she spent most Saturdays in the office so that she could spend half of Sunday with the baby.  She felt guilty when she lost track of time on those Sundays with the baby and had dozens of emails on her blackberry that had gone unread for over an hour.

What’s worse is that she didn’t like the content of her job.  Even if the hours were much better, Deborah didn’t like what she did for a living. It was not fun or interesting to her.  What’s worse, the economy was slow, which meant that these were the best of times for her work-life balance.

Finally, work picked up and Deborah lived in complete agony.  She felt apathetic about the job that never got better, only worse.   She began having extreme difficulty making herself get to work every day and do a good job.  She wanted to quit – but felt like a loser doing that, after all of this time, and knew how everybody would talk.  She did not want another legal job, but did not have the time to build up experience and contacts in some other field.  She felt totally stuck and completely awful.

TELL THE TRUTH 

Deborah confided in her best friend at work, Jane, about her misery and feelings of despair.  Jane completely shared these feelings and Deborah immediately felt like she was not crazy or a failure, because she knew Jane was smart and great at her job, and also knew that Jane was capable of finding another career, so maybe she was, too. 

Jane suggested they develop a business together.  They thought of ideas and talked to friends but there wasn’t that much time outside of work to develop their business plans, and many of their ideas required work that neither of the women had much time to do in light of the extreme demands of their current jobs and family life. 

Still, actively doing something to get herself into a livable work situation helped her feel a little better and more energized.

BRINGING INTERESTS INTO LIFE 

Deborah began thinking about happier days.  She remembered her college years and those political science classes.  She loved learning about politics and government and how changes can be made through a country’s political system.  She started reading a book that was reviewed in the Sunday New York Times about modern democracy and policy changes during her subway commute to and from work. 

During down time throughout the day, she read blogs discussing current politics.  She joined the New York Bar Association’s committee for women in politics which met once a month.

And, suddenly, a woman she barely knew on the committee suggested she apply to be the head of the Women and Local Government initiative started by the New York Bar Association and another non-profit, a full-time job.  The initiative lobbied on the local level for changes in schools, zoning, and many other areas in need of political changes.  Deborah applied for the job and called in sick to work the day of the interview.  

She got the job.  Relief hit her like a tidal wave. She chalked up her excitement-like terror at such a big change, albeit the right change for her, as a sign that she was heading in the right direction.  She was never a dramatic person, but she felt as if she had finally garnered the courage to jump off of the high dive.  It was exhilarating.

REFLECTION

Now, just a few months into the new job, Deborah’s hunches about what kept her in her unhappy life for so long are confirmed.  She made decisions based entirely on logic. Law school, the firm.  She did this without accounting for her natural strengths and interests. Practicality completely overshadowed her happiness.  Instead of thinking:

…what would I enjoy doing each day? how much of my day do I want to spend working? do I want to wear a suit to work? do I want to spend every day in an office building or would I rather be moving around?…

Deborah realizes she thought, what would everyone be impressed by and reflects a conventionally held idea of success?  This thinking did not work out well for her, to put it mildly. Deborah is thankful for the training at the firm and the money she has saved as a result, and she uses her lawyer skills of analysis daily.  She learned valuable lessons about herself that she needed to know in order to be happy during those years. 

She now tries to make decisions based on what is right for her. Intead of considering what her superiors will be pleased with, she thinks of her own career objectives and how best to achieve them within the parameters of ther job.  Her superiors are often pleased with her, however, but not because she seeks it. 

Her new self is a work in progress.  There is no doubt about that.  But she is on a path that feels good and permits her to enjoy much more of her day.  She spends regular time with friends and her toddler.  She wants to start taking more time each day just for herself.  She recognizes that the drop in pay and prestige may be viewed by some as an irreversible step down – but then she reminds herself how horrible she felt in her more prestigious job. 

Deborah really feels like herself for the first time in years.

 

The End! And they all lived happily ever after… until the toddler became a teenager and ravaged their happy lives with emotional outbursts and outrageous demands but eventually went to college, thank God.

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