You know when you go out to dinner with a bunch of people? And you’ve had a really good week where you’ve been working out every day, and eating right, and not raiding your refrigerator at midnight?

Until! You go out to dinner with a few friends. [Cue ominous music]. Everyone wants to split pasta. Everyone wants to split 7 bottles of wine and 14 desserts.  And you don’t want to be the lame one who orders a salad and an appetizer.

What if they think I’m boring? What if they think I have an eating disorder or something? What if they make FUN of me??

(Or whatever your particular brand of self-abuse and criticism happens to be.)

Of course you feel social pressure in this situation – there is social pressure. Especially if you are female, many of the lessons of your youth might be like mine: don’t make waves! make other people happy! other people’s approval is important!

And we could choose to buy into these messages, except that believing them makes us fat.

Which is why I think you should consider rethinking your dinner experience so you not only survive (without overeating in the blink of an eye), but ENJOY it.

How about finding some new stories about why NOT overeating, mis-ordering or caving to the pressures are the BEST things you can do for yourself AND your friends?

Here are some that have worked for me and clients – try these on for size. If it feels like, that is SO true, then remember this next time you are PLANNING to go to dinner, then again BEFORE you go to the dinner and, finally, while you’re at it.

• “If I do what I REALLY want (ordering a non-pork-fat based dinner option), it liberates others to do the same.” SO TRUE – so many times, I sheepishly say “I don’t want to split the fried razor neck clams” and someone else says, “You know, I think I’m happier without, too.” How we can help that other sheepish person!
• “When I eat too much, I am not making anyone happy.”
• “How much I eat is no one’s business but mine.”
• “Everyone’s different, and I am different in that a smaller portion satisfies me. Maybe more food is right for them – we are all unique in appetite as in all things.”
• “Scared people are scary – if they tease me about being healthier, it is probably because they feel insecure about their choice to kind of pig out.”

See? Those are much more useful ways to see the situation. You stay on track and still get to go to dinner (and don’t have avoid situations that bring up your stuff! You are so evolved, working on it, like you do). Win-win-wins all around.

If this was kind of your thing, check out this blog post on Feelings are not for eating.

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