Tuesday Styles #7: Total nothing burger edition.
What’s really interesting is what we aren’t wearing. Oh, it says just as much (more?) than what we are wearing.
And what we aren’t wearing tells us what we should be doing.
Funny bones.
There are skeletons and then there are skeletons. There’s “I Know What You Did Last Summer”-type skeletons, and then there are The Breakfast Club-type skeletons, which aren’t true skeletons at all.
These kinds of non-skeletons are what I’m talking about with your non-wearing clothes.
Tell me — which skeleton sounds like you??
Category, the first: The skeleton of who you were.
Public enemy #1 = clothes that used to fit. But, they don’t anymore, and haven’t for a long time. And I mean “fit” like you’re either swimming in them, or you cannot fit one pant leg over your current biceps.
Public enemy #2 = worn-out clothes from 20 years ago. You’re not saving 45 faded college t-shirts for your grandkids.
Category, the second: Fantasy skeletons.
Phantom #1 = clothes that are savvy & bold. Because you would stand out among your dude-friends if you wore that man-bag or cardigan. But you still want to own that cardigan.
Phantom #2 = clothes for which there is no occasion. You had to come up with a complete back story (if I ever am invited to the Governor’s Inauguration Ball) to justify buying it. And, of course, have not worn it. Pretty, pristine things that collect dust.
Category, the third: Siamese-twin skeletons.
Clone #1 = it’s all the same black shirt. You buy something, and arrive home to find you’ve already bought that — but the better version. So, you keep the less cool version and just don’t really wear it.
Clone #2 = social uniforms. You end up with clothes in your closet that look like the things the people around you at work/school/the kabbalah center wear, but you never actually wear that stuff.
Not being a total nothing burger means finding answers.
Where do the things you’re not wearing fit? I, for one, pulled all of the above from personal experience, so fitting into any of the above means fitting in with me.
It’s glorrrrrrrious to peer into our dark, musty closets and see the skeletons — and even more glorious to pull the skeletons out.
Because seeing what we’re not wearing in the cleansing light of day means knowing what we should be doing.
Feeling Category, the first? Releasing bones of the past: Learn to let go, like yourself for all of the great things that you are now, and be open to finding out who you are today. It’s okay to be different now – it’s actually perfect for you that you’re different now than you used to be.
You get to meet yourself where you are, and lean into who the person you are today wants to be (because it isn’t actually to be exactly who you once were – there’s no un-ringing the bell).
Feeling Category, the second? Facing your fantasy bones: Grow into your real identity and make your back stories happen — what’s the worst thing that could happen if you took risks and presented yourself for who you actually are? Failure & rejection? Maybe, but trying and failing often is how we learn, and rejection is part of finding our right people. And finding your right people is part of finding you.
And it’s worth finding you. Because you are the secret ingredient.
Get clear on why the dream is magnetic for you (Governor’s Ball = I want people to recognize I’m important, perhaps) and decide if the desire reflects something that will make you whole, or something that your hungry ghost is after.
Feeling Category, the third? Dividing duplicity bones:
What are you really yearning for when you go buy that same thing? Avoiding the real stuff that’s going on with you only means the wound festers. Don’t lose an arm by buying the same damn shirt.
And if you social uniform it up, on some level, desire to conform with your environment. But, you’re of two minds, and so — you don’t follow through.
(1) Why does a piece of you want to bend out of shape to fit in? (maybe you want to feel accepted; maybe you’re scared of confrontation)
(2) Why are you spending time around people who dress similar to each other, but you don’t dress the way they do? (maybe you like being the different one; maybe you need to let go of friends you’ve out grown)
Action plans & the Mormons.
The Mormon muffins shouldn’t have all of the fun.
Look at what’s in the closet and see what it’s telling you. Now, you know what to do next to be you the you way of doing it.
Take what I’m saying with a grain of salt — if it resonates, it’s probably the truth. If not, then throw me a bone and tell me so in the comments (ha. ha.).
Oh, it resonates! My wardrobe is dwindling for all sorts of reasons and clearly reflecting my increasing dis-at-ease with my current profession and creating something new. Brilliant post as usual.
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