You know you’re not a crazy person for feeling malcontent in a high profile and lucrative position.

The interesting piece is this: why not leave?

There are two big, fat, Greek reasons:

#1 Fear

#2 Doubt

Fear is not just a bad movie starring Marky-Mark.

Most people do not leave a job because of fears around leaving, and the self-doubt about their choice to leave.

Fear is so, so normal. Fear is just part of who we people are.  Every person who is connected with how he or she feels experiences fear often.

It’s how you deal with your fears that makes the difference.

Dealing with fear is how you keep the fear from running your life.

Here are some VERY common fears – and a few tips on dealing with them:

(1) What will Everybody think?

Oh, the Everybody syndrome! It is near and dear to my heart.

• “Everybody” is actually a few people that you don’t necessarily even like.  When you say, Everybody will think I’m a loser if I leave! Get specific about who you’re really talking about (parents? a friend? your boss?).  It’s usually under six people.
• Why does their opinion matter? You may be wrong about their opinion or you may be right, but uncovering why you care what they think this much is important work to do to begin dissolving your Everybody. Do you want that person’s approval? What will having their approval get you? Whatever you think you get from the approval, it’s a lie. You can have that thing you think you get on your own, and even if you do get the love or self-worth out of the approval, you just have to chase the approval again and again and again to keep feeding your tanks – and it’s never enough.
• Decide whether you actually even want them in your Everybody. If you don’t kick them out and choose new people. This can also be known as your High Council of Jedi Knights.

(2) What if I lose all of my money and, bereft, become homeless?

Any fear surrounding a lack of resources, or attack by others, reeks of your reptilian brain, and is rarely rooted in reality.

Pam Slim, in her book Escape from Cubicle Nation, explains that you know a fear is a Lizard Fear when the fear is:

1. very extreme (“I will lose everything!”),
2. it crumbles under a critical eye (there are times when you’ve been in this feared situation — losing a job, experiencing a break up — and you made it out alive) and
3. you experience it very strongly in your body (chest is very tight and shoulders are under your ear lobes).

For me, identifying this fear as a message from my old timey brain that still broadcasts messages that are unhelpful now that I don’t live in a cave and forage helps me to acknowledge its message — but feel free to do as I wish.

Another solid exercise from Havi Brooks is to visualize your lizard brain fears as wooden ducks following along behind you — harmless.

(3) What if I fail?

Again, get clear on what “failing” means to you, and decide if this is useful.  If trying something once, and it not working out immediately feels like failure, you have set yourself up to fail every single time you ever try anything new.

I’d say it’s high time to redefine how you define “failure”!

My choice has been to exclude “failure” from my model for life.  Failing just means you stop trying – and that’s up to you. There is no fail in my model – I try and try again, change directions, revise my tactics, change my goals.

I highly recommend this.

Doubt is not jut an excellent movie starring Philip Seymour Hoffman.

(1) Analysis Paralysis!

You have thought about this a LOT, and you want to figure out all of the angles before you take one iota of action. Things need to be perfect before you make your master move!

If you suffer from analysis-paralysis, you are not alone. You have options:

• Get help from an outsider. One very helpful antidote is getting the help of someone outside of the situation – I recommend hiring someone whose specialty is getting you through stuckness, because you both will be invested in resolving the situation, but talking to a trusted and level headed friend will help, too.
• Do one small thing. Think of one very, very, very small action you can take that does not at all feel overwhelming. It might be, find the email address for one possible client and save it in my drafts folder.  It might be, turn on the lights in my new apartment.  If you notice any resistance internally, the thing is too big. Cut it in half until it’s small enough to feel doable.
• Create accountability.  Having someone that you report to at the end of your week on your progress or plan is a motivator for taking actions when you’re paralyzed in analyzing.

Realize that situations are never perfect, conditions are always mixed and you will never be totally ready or fully fearless in action that is important to who you are.  If you wait for this, you will wait forever.

(2) Things may one day change?

With people and with your job, expect to get what they have always given you.  In my experience, all that changes over time is how you feel: You feel worse the longer you wait for a static situation to spontaneously improve.

(3) As good as it gets?

If you find yourself wondering, what if this is all that a career can give a person? Citing such proof as “all of the other people that feel the same way I do” or perhaps a parent who trudged along dutifully, don’t believe yourself.

Your work may be on yourself (and often is) before you make a circumstantial change, but if you’re not happy, this is not as good as it gets.

I leave you, fair blog reader, with this: decide to work through the fear & the doubt, and identify the work you love.  The decision to do this is even more important than knowing the process.

If you liked this post, take a look at these posts.

No related posts.